Faith & Mental Health

Embracing Neurodiversity 

Embracing Neurodiversity 

The concept of neurodiversity is increasingly gaining recognition and importance across different sectors of society, including education, workplaces, and communities. However, discussions about neurodiversity within the Church are still seemingly in the early stages. Speaking about this topic at a recent church conference, where I shared the stage with someone with lived experience of several neurodiverse conditions, I was struck by the strong and novel sense of validation various members of the audience, a number of whom spoke of their own lived experience, felt just from the fact that it was being discussed. 

This article explores the distinct contributions and challenges encountered by individuals with diverse neurological profiles – such as autism, developmental co-ordination disorder (DCD) and dyslexia – within Church settings. It also seeks to make the case for embracing neurodiversity in order to cultivate more inclusive, compassionate, and spiritually enriching environments, where every member of the congregation is valued and supported in their faith journey.
 

What does this term ‘neurodiversity’ mean?

Neurodiversity is an umbrella term to identify people whose brains work differently than most others – the so-called ‘neurotypicals’, resulting in different strengths and challenges.  These can manifest in conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and DCD, amongst others.

Rather than viewing these differences as mental illness or disorders that need to be "fixed," the neurodiversity perspective views them as part of the normal variation in human brains and minds. This approach promotes greater inclusion and equity when we consider the differences in how our brains are wired. 

Here are some examples of how neurodiversity may present:

Ruth, a 4-year-old girl, is brought to her doctor because her parents are concerned that she has not started talking yet and seems uninterested in playing with other children. She prefers to line up her toys in a specific order, rather than engaging in imaginative play. In nursery, she often becomes upset by changes in routine and avoids eye contact with her teachers and peers. The doctor observes that she exhibits repetitive hand-flapping and repeats phrases she hears,  rather than engaging in spontaneous speech.

This is an example of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), which is characterised by difficulties in social interaction, communication, and the presence of restricted, repetitive behaviours or interests. 

•    Social communication challenges: individuals with ASD often have difficulties with verbal and nonverbal communication, understanding and interpreting social cues, and forming and maintaining relationships. 

•    Repetitive behaviours: This can include repetitive movements (e.g., hand-flapping, rocking), insistence on sameness or routines, and intense focus on specific interests or activities. 

•    Sensory sensitivities: Many people with ASD are highly sensitive to sensory inputs such as sounds, lights, textures, or smells, which can lead to either hyper- or hypo-reactivity to sensory stimuli.

The term "spectrum" reflects the wide variation in challenges and strengths possessed by each person with autism.

Matthew, a 9-year-old boy, has been struggling with reading since his first year of school. Despite extra help from his teacher and parents, he reads slowly, often mixing up letters like "b" and "d" and struggling to decode new words. In class, he tries to avoid reading out loud and frequently guesses words rather than sounding them out. His difficulty with reading is beginning to affect his performance in other subjects, such as maths, where word problems pose a significant challenge. Despite these difficulties, he is articulate and shows a strong understanding of concepts when they are presented verbally.

Dyslexia is a specific learning disorder that primarily affects reading and related language-based processing skills, as described in Matthew’s case. Individuals with dyslexia often struggle with accurate and/or fluent word recognition i.e. relating sounds to letters/words. Spelling and decoding can be challenging, despite normal intelligence and adequate instruction. People with dyslexia thus appear to be bright orally but find it hard to get information down accurately on paper. 

Mary, an 8-year-old girl, has always struggled with tasks that require motor coordination. In school, she finds it difficult to write legibly, often holding the pencil awkwardly and tiring quickly. Her parents and teachers notice that she frequently trips or bumps into objects and has trouble catching a ball during recess. Despite her enthusiasm, she becomes frustrated during art class because her drawings do not match what she envisions. While she is academically bright, her difficulty with motor tasks affects her confidence and participation in physical activities.

Mary’s challenges are indicative of Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD or Dyspraxia), more commonly referred to as dyspraxia, is a motor skills disorder that affects a person’s ability to perform coordinated, everyday physical tasks. Children with DCD often have difficulty with activities like writing, dressing, and sports, which require fine and gross motor coordination.


What causes these conditions?

Neurodiverse conditions are thought to arise from a combination of genetic, biological and environmental factors. 

1. Genetic Factors: Variations or mutations in certain genes (but no one specific gene) can influence brain development and function.  These genetic factors can be inherited from parents or occur spontaneously.

2. Biological Factors: Differences in brain structure and function have been identified between neurotypical and neurodiverse conditions. For example, research has shown that individuals with autism may have differences in brain connectivity, while those with dyslexia might have variations in areas of the brain responsible for processing language.

3. Environmental Factors: Environmental influences, particularly during prenatal development (i.e. in the womb), can also play a role. Factors such as poor maternal health, infections during pregnancy and complications at birth may contribute to the development of neurodiverse conditions. However, these factors often interact with genetic predispositions rather than acting as sole causes.

It's important to note that the causes of neurodiverse conditions are not fully understood and are likely to involve multiple contributing factors rather than a single cause.

What impact does neurodiversity have on Christian faith for those with these conditions?

Neurodiversity can have a profound impact on the Christian faith experience for individuals with neurodiverse conditions, both positively and in more challenging ways:

1. Unique spiritual perspectives and approaches: Neurodiverse individuals often bring unique insights and perspectives to their faith and Church communities. For instance, someone with autism might adopt a highly analytical or detailed approach to their reading of Scripture, finding deep meaning in specific words, phrases or patterns. Others might find comfort in repetitive prayers or rituals that provide structure and predictability. Someone with ADHD might prefer more active or varied forms of worship, such as walking meditation or creative arts, rather than prolonged periods of silent prayer. 

2. Challenges in communal worship: Traditional church services and activities can sometimes pose challenges for neurodiverse individuals. For example, those with sensory hypersensitivity (e.g. to sound, light or touch, associated with autism or ADHD) might find loud music, bright lights, or crowded spaces unsettling. Similarly, long periods of stillness or structured activities might be difficult for those with poor attention or motor coordination issues. 

3. Community and inclusion: Feeling accepted and included in the faith community is crucial for spiritual growth. Neurodiverse individuals might experience challenges in social interactions, making it difficult to connect with others in the church. These challenges may lead to feelings of alienation or frustration. Some neurodiverse individuals may also grapple with questions about their identity and place within God's creation, seeking assurance that they are valued and loved as they are.

4. Theological reflection and understanding: Neurodiversity can influence how individuals understand and relate to theological concepts. For instance, abstract concepts like grace or the Holy Trinity might be difficult for someone with a concrete thinking style, while others might find deep meaning in the stories of Jesus' interactions with marginalized individuals. 

In summary, neurodiversity can shape the Christian faith experience in various ways, offering both unique challenges and enriching perspectives. When churches acknowledge and support neurodiverse individuals, they not only enhance these individuals' spiritual lives but also enrich the entire faith community by embracing the full spectrum of God's creation.

How can we best support neurodiverse Christians?


1. Fostering a more inclusive environment

Awareness: Church leaders and neurodiverse congregants may educate the congregation about neurodiversity to reduce stigma and increase understanding, either during specific neurodiverse awareness days/weeks (such as World Autism Acceptance Week) or at any time of the year. This could involve workshops, sermons, or small group discussions focused on neurodiverse conditions. 

Cultivating a culture of acceptance: Differences can be explicitly respected and celebrated, with encouragement for all members to adopt an attitude of patience, understanding, and accommodation of diverse needs. For example, some neurodiverse people may prefer to stand or move around during services, or use noise-cancelling headphones to manage sensory input.

2. Adapting Church services and activities

Sensory-friendly services: Worship may be made more sensory-friendly by offering lower lighting, softer music, and/or designated quiet spaces (with comfortable seating and minimal sensory stimuli), where people can retreat if they feel overwhelmed. Being willing to adapt and evolve church practices based on the needs and suggestions of neurodiverse members, demonstrates a commitment to their well-being.

Physical accessibility: There is a need to ensure that all areas of the church are accessible to those with physical disabilities, which often co-occur with neurodiverse conditions. This includes ramps, seating arrangements, and accessible restrooms.

Supporting spiritual growth: Some neurodiverse people would benefit from having access to information ahead of the weekend service about the Bible verses that will be covered, as they may find it challenging to follow the sermon without prior preparation. Additionally, if the sermon notes available afterwards, this allow people to review and digest the content, especially if they lost focus during the service. Providing materials in multiple formats (e.g., written, visual, auditory) caters to different learning styles.

3. Engagement and inclusion in ministry

Identify and utilise strengths: Neurodiverse individuals should be explicitly encouraged to use their strengths and gifts in ministry roles. This might include tech support, creative arts, or being on the welcome team, or someone with a passion for detail might excel in a roles that involves organising or maintaining records.

Open communication: Opportunities can be created for neurodiverse individuals and their families to provide feedback on church programmes and services. 

Mentorship: Implementing mentorship or buddy systems where neurodiverse individuals are paired with supportive peers can help them navigate social situations more easily and feel more connected to the community.

By implementing these strategies, churches can create a supportive and nurturing environment where neurodiverse Christians feel valued, understood, and able to fully participate in the life of the Church. This not only benefits the individuals but also enriches the entire faith community.

Where can I get more information?
https://www.autism.org.uk/  
https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexia/neurodiversity-and-co-occurring-differences/dyspraxia 
 
Chi-Chi Obuaya - Dr Chi-Chi Obuaya is a Consultant Psychiatrist working in an NHS ADHD service and in independent practice, as well as a Mind & Soul Foundation Director.

Faith & the Power of Pause

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

 "I know I need to rest, but I just can’t seem to stop. Even when I try to take time, I feel guilty or restless. Why does it feel so hard to switch off?”

Talking Point 

We live in a world that glorifies hustle, where productivity is mistaken for worth. Even in Christian circles, we can fall into the trap of thinking our output defines our obedience. But Scripture tells a different story.

In the creation narrative, God didn’t wait until everything was finished to rest—He paused in the middle of the work. Each day, He created, then paused. “And there was evening, and there was morning…” This divine rhythm teaches us to value reflection over perfection and to see rest not as weakness, but as wisdom.

And yet… many of us struggle with internal beliefs that resist rest. Thoughts like: “I’m too busy to stop,” or “Rest is laziness,” or “If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.” These beliefs aren’t just cultural—they’re deeply ingrained, often unconsciously. But left unchecked, they lead to burnout, anxiety, and disconnection from God and ourselves.

God’s rhythm invites something better. He didn’t just rest after creation—He paused within it. Rest isn’t about checking out. It’s about checking in—with ourselves, with God, and with the deeper rhythms that lead to wholeness.

Truth to Ponder

If rest and pause feel elusive right now, here are some ways to bring them into reach—practically, psychologically, and spiritually:

PAUSES: The commas of your day

  • Breathe deeply. Intentional breath slows your stress response. Inhale for 4, hold, exhale for 10. Do this anywhere – in your car, in the shower, between meetings.

  • Unplug intentionally. Be smarter than your smart device. Use “Do Not Disturb” mode after a set time in the evening and guard moments of quiet like treasure.

  • Redefine rest. Make space for activities that are truly restorative – for instance, if you like reading, don’t read work related books (3 ways to be a better leader, 5 tips to be more effective etc!) and count it as rest.

  • Inject joy. Do more of what brings delight—whether it’s tinkering, having a hot bubble bath, chatting, or sitting still with a cuppa.

  • Don’t neglect the basics. Nutritious food, decent sleep, and exercise aren’t luxuries—they’re vital pause points for body and mind.
     

REST: The full stops of your week

  • Rest your thoughts. Challenge yourself to sit and be present for 3 minutes a day. No planning. No reflecting. No mental to do lists. Just. Be. Still.

  • Rest your pace. Walk slower. Drive slower. Pack less in. Stop replacing work with a hyperactive version of ‘rest.’

  • Rest your soul. Let go of guilt. Stop ‘should-ing’ yourself. Follow what brings joy, connection, and peace.


You were made in God’s image. And He chose to rest—not because He was tired, but because rest is sacred. It honours our limits, our need for rhythm, and our call to live not just effectively—but faithfully.

So this week, take one pause. Then take one rest. And watch what shifts in you.


Love your neighbour... as yourself

Your fortnightly 1-2-3: Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

 "I’m great at being there for everyone else—but when it comes to me, I feel drained, critical, or just…disconnected. Is it selfish to focus on myself?”

Talking Point 

We were created for connection—deep, meaningful relationships that enrich our lives and ground us in love. But there’s one relationship that often gets overlooked: the one you have with you.

Loving others well begins with learning to love yourself well. Not in a self-centred or egotistic way, but in the way you would treat someone you love—with kindness, patience, grace, and care. If you’re going to spend every minute of every day with someone… wouldn’t it be wise to make peace with them?

Being a good friend to yourself starts with:

  • Knowing yourself – your likes, dislikes, values, and strengths. Personality tools like 16personalities.com can offer helpful insight.

  • Speaking kindly to yourself check your self-talk. Would you say that to someone you love?

  • Enjoying your own company – pursue hobbies, explore joy, make time for what lights you up.

  • Caring for yourself like you would a friend – rest, nourish, move, recover. You matter too.

This is not indulgence—it’s wisdom. Even Jesus said, “Love your neighbour as yourself.” That command assumes you know how to love you. When you constantly give without receiving—even from yourself—you run dry. But when you nurture a healthy inner life, you give from a place of fullness, not depletion.

Truth to Ponder

The greatest gift you can give those around you is a healthy you. Ask yourself:

  • Am I treating myself like someone I’m called to love?

  • Would I want my children or friends to treat themselves the way I treat myself?

  • Do I need to pause, replenish, and reconnect with who I really am?

At Mercy UK, we believe that wholeness flows from a strong relationship with God, with yourself, and with others. That’s why we created Keys to Freedom —a powerful discipleship resource designed to help you discover how to live in truth, freedom, and healthy connection.

Because when you flourish, everyone around you benefits too.

Faith & Passion

Does your passion feel quiet? Don’t panic. This may be a holy pause, not a problem to fix.

Your fortnightly 1-2-3: Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

 "I used to feel driven by passion and purpose, but lately... I just feel drained. Is there something wrong with me, or is this part of the journey?”

Talking Point 

Think of passion as a wild stallion, like the one in the header image. Passion will lend you his speed, jump you over obstacles, elevate your perspective and help you rally others around your cause. But like any stallion, Passion needs reins to ride it safely. Without reins, he will trample over flowers you’re meant to protect, race past landscape you’re supposed to enjoy and land you way off course before you even know it. Without reins (or without reign!) Passion will eventually drain you.

Yet, passion is a gift from God. It helps us move forward, gives us energy for our purpose, and fuels deep joy in serving. But it was never meant to be our master. Passion isn’t always about doing more. It’s not about galloping into every storm or pushing harder when your soul is tired. It’s about knowing what matters—and letting that truth lead.

Passion needs tending. Jesus lived with deep, unwavering passion. But even He retreated often to quiet places to pray, to rest, and to reconnect with the Father. Passion doesn’t thrive on pressure—it grows through presence.

If your passion feels dim right now, that doesn’t mean it’s gone. It may simply be resting, waiting, or healing. And that’s okay. Passion isn’t just for mountaintops—it’s for the valleys too. In fact, some of the deepest, most lasting callings are forged not in noise and fire, but in silence and surrender.

Truth to Ponder

When your passion feels quiet, don’t panic. This may be a holy pause, not a problem to fix. Here's how to make peace with the season you're in:

  • Name your need. Is it rest? Renewal? Clarity? God isn’t asking you to fake energy you don’t have. He meets you with kindness.

  • Let go of pressure. Passion isn’t about performance—it’s about alignment. Let yourself breathe.

  • Stay near the Source. Draw close to the One who kindled your passion in the first place. Sometimes the flame returns in a whisper.

  • Pay attention to small sparks. A conversation, a scripture, a quiet stirring—God often rekindles the fire gently.

  • Trust the process. Seasons of stillness can deepen the roots of your calling more than constant motion ever could.
     

Want to go a bit deeper on this subject?

Talk some time to reflect on this passage and consider what God might be trying to say to you:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)

Demystifying OCD

“Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” - 1 Peter 5:7

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a type of anxiety disorder that affects one in every 50 people. It is common to hear people refer to themselves as “OCD” or obsessive, but these terms are frequently misused and misunderstood. There are two main types of symptoms in OCD: obsessions and compulsions.
 

Obsessions

Obsessions are unwelcome and intrusive thoughts, images, urges, worries or doubts.  They occur in a repetitive fashion and are experienced as distressing; there is often a fear of losing control completely. Examples include an irrational fear of contamination or distress caused by items not being kept in an orderly fashion.

Obsessions should not be confused with instances in which people insist that they are ‘obsessional’, which commonly refers to a preoccupation with certain themes that they tend to ruminate on. Although distressing, it is not the same.  Similarly, being tidy or paying extra attention to hygiene does not mean that you have OCD.
 

Compulsions

Compulsions are behaviours that people undertake to reduce the distress caused by the obsessions. Examples include repetitive hand-washing, checking doors are locked and counting to a specific number or engaging in other rituals to prevent something bad from happening. So-called ‘compulsive’ gambling or eating is not a true compulsion as defined here.

People diagnosed with OCD may have just obsessions, only compulsions or both sets of symptoms. OCD can have a significant impact on a person’s day-to-day activities and in some cases the quality of their relationships e.g. someone who compulsively checks the front door may spend many minutes leaving their house. The embarrassment and distress caused by the symptoms may result in some people becoming socially withdrawn.

For Christians and non-Christians alike, obsessional thinking can cause significant self-doubt. The nature of obsessions, such as the belief that one may harm other people or thoughts that appear to have a blasphemous theme, can cause some Christians to question the strength of their faith. There can be a lot of guilt and shame about the symptoms they experience and some people may form the belief that they are experiencing OCD owing to some unresolved sin.

What causes OCD and how do I know if I have it?

There is no single known cause of OCD. It does occur more commonly in some families, where an existing family member already has this diagnosis. Some research suggests that people with certain personality traits, such as a tendency towards being methodical and with very high standards, may be more likely to develop OCD. 

There may also be links to trauma and in clinical practice it is common to see OCD appearing in new or expectant parents, for reasons that remain unclear. It is important to emphasise that the obsessional beliefs and compulsive behaviours do not indicate the presence of any character flaws, but are random and irrational manifestations of this condition.

Anyone concerned that they or someone they know may have a OCD should seek support from their GP in the first instance. They may be referred on to specialist mental health services, where a further assessment can take place.

Treatment for OCD

The mainstay of treatment is psychological therapy, in the form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a behavioural therapy that gently exposes people to anxiety-provoking situations under the guidance of a trained therapist.

People with OCD may also benefit from taking antidepressant medication: the neurotransmitter serotonin (a chemical messenger in the brain) appears to be implicated in the onset of several anxiety disorders, including OCD.  A number of antidepressants act on this pathway and thus relieve the OCD symptoms.

If in doubt, talk to your GP and if your symptoms are limiting your life, seek out professional help and advice rather than worrying and trying to diagnose yourself.


Further Reading:

Royal College of Psychiatrists:
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/obsessive-compulsive-disorder

Mind:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/about-ocd/
 

Chi-Chi Obuaya, 30/08/2021

How do you help someone who is struggling without risking my own mental health?

Holding Space Without Losing Yourself

Supporting someone who won’t talk about what they’re going through can be emotionally exhausting. You want to be there. You want to help. But over time, the silence can start to take its toll on you, leaving you feeling helpless, shut out, or even resentful.

So how do you support someone well without burning out? When do your needs matter too?
At Mercy UK, we believe in supporting people and the people who support them. Here’s what we’ve learned:

Your needs are valid too

It’s not selfish to acknowledge that the situation is affecting you. It’s honest. When someone you care about won’t open up, it can stir up all kinds of emotions: worry, frustration, grief, confusion. Don’t bury those feelings. They need space too.

Set emotional boundaries

Being present for someone doesn’t mean becoming their emotional sponge. It’s okay to say, “I’m here for you, but I also need time to care for my own wellbeing.” If you’re constantly feeling drained or overwhelmed, it’s a sign that something needs to shift.

Communicate with gentleness and clarity

You can speak honestly without placing blame.
Try:
“I care deeply about you, and I understand if you’re not ready to talk. But I’m finding the silence really hard, and I want to let you know how it’s affecting me.”
Being open about your experience creates space for healthy connection, not pressure.

Don’t confuse support with responsibility

You can walk with someone, but you can’t walk for them. Their healing is not your job to manage. Your role is to care, not to carry the weight of their choices or healing process.

Make space for your own support

Find someone you trust to talk to: a friend, a counsellor, a faith leader. You don’t have to keep everything in. Having a space to process what you’re experiencing will help you stay grounded and compassionate in the long run.

Supporting someone in silence is sacred work, but so is honouring your own limits. By setting healthy limits, you can stay close and still have your own space, and you can walk with someone through their silence without losing your sense of self along the way.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is part of a response to experiencing trauma, whether repeatedly or as a one-off event. PTSD occurs when our brain’s natural actions to try to make sense of what has happened, and the emotions it has triggered, clash with our understandably not wanting to remember or relive the experience and our attempts to avoid the anxiety that memories trigger.

PTSD is typically described as three things: intrusive images or thoughts of a past event (sometimes called flashbacks), a general feeling and experience of being on edge, and an avoidance of the actual place or places similar to where the trauma happened. This best describes one-off traumas, such as assaults and natural disasters. Some people experience PTSD-like symptoms after repeated or historical traumas, like childhood sexual abuse. This may be called complex trauma or type-2 PTSD.

What causes PTSD?

We know that events out of context can cause PTSD, such as a freak natural disaster, a car crash or an assault. Adrenaline, when it is expected, does not cause trauma. (Think of an athlete at a major competition.) But when it comes as a surprise, we know it can change the way the brain works. It turns on our ‘fear’ centre (called the amygdala) and shuts down the bit of our brain that usually discriminates (called the hippocampus). As a result, we become oversensitive to stimuli or triggers that might previously have been linked with danger or trauma and we react to more things than are helpful.

We also know that the brain responds to trauma by replaying traumatic memories and emotions as it attempts to process them. If our fear of these causes us to try to repress or suppress them, we interrupt this natural process and end up in opposition to our own brain. Instead, we need to find safe methods and places where we can enable this processing to occur in a controlled way, and allow our mind to move on from what we have experienced.

People can beat themselves up when they get PTSD, often wondering why they can’t ‘snap out of it’. They may never have experienced emotions like this before and feel overloaded and out of control. Understanding the processes behind it can be an essential part of recovery. They may also struggle with feelings of guilt – for what happened or sometimes for other things, such as their having survived when others did not. Many sufferers also develop depression and can be prone to substance misuse as they try to self-medicate or control what they are feeling. 

Can it be treated?

PTSD requires a combination of approaches. Talking treatments like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help moderate powerful emotions and help people feel more in control. This can better enable them to talk through and recall what happened, so the memories can be filed away like any other past events. Other therapies, such as EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) also aim to help people recall and process traumatic experiences whilst limiting the strength of the emotions they trigger.

In some traumas, people may need to learn skills to stabilise and manage anxiety or panic first, before looking at the event(s) in any detail. Medication can also help reduce the intensity of thoughts and emotions, making talking treatments more possible. 

What about faith?

Life is not fair – we know that from the Bible: that bad things happen to good people. When this happens, it turns our worldview on its head, and we can begin to assume it is deserved and that God is not good. We must remember the lesson from the story of the wise and foolish builders (Matthew 7:24-28): no matter how good your foundations, storms will come.

It is inevitable that tragedy will bring many questions. The Book of Job reminds us that there is far more at play than we can ever know. There are times we just need to worship God and turn our trust to him.

At its best, the Christian community is made up of people who all have questions too. Simplistic responses (often from those who have never suffered themselves) can be hurtful and wrong. Look at the advice Job got from his friends! Churches need to be supportive and non-judgemental, offering hope that things will work out in the end, but not asking the sufferer to accept this overnight. They can also help decrease isolation and loneliness.

Some spiritual exercises, like mindfulness, meditation and contemplation, are very helpful in PTSD. They allow us to focus on what matters, to be non-judging of ourselves. They allow us to approach our questions and past experiences in a measured way, meaning we can process them rather than suppress them.

Helpful Links

The Mind and Soul Team

What is Bipolar?

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18

Within popular culture, bipolar disorder is often glamourised. We usually see it portrayed as a condition that is associated with creativity, energy and fun; the challenges associated with it are often overlooked.

Previously referred to as manic depression, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that is defined by the presence of depressive episodes and manic states. Mania occurs when there is a persistent elevation of the mood, usually for at least 7 consecutive days. Alongside this, there are other characteristic symptoms, including excessive spending, rapid speech, increased energy levels, a decreased need for sleep and grandiose thoughts.

Manic symptoms can also include delusional beliefs, which themselves may touch on religious themes. This does not mean that the presence of a strong faith is a sign of bipolar disorder, but rather that existing beliefs may become exaggerated, or there is a preoccupation around certain themes. In some instances, certain beliefs become deeply entrenched and resistant to any form of challenge. Understandably, this can be very invalidating for some Christians and requires a sensitive and empathic approach amongst family, friends and members of one's church community.

Whilst manic symptoms can seem to be harmless and people who are ‘high’ can be very pleasant and fun to be around, mania can cause people to take risks they would not normally take and engage in embarrassing behaviour.  Within a Christian context, it is important to contextualise any such behaviour and refrain from judgment. 

Core Symptoms

Much of the focus tends to be on manic states, but more time is typically spent in depression with this condition and the depressive episodes can be debilitating and dispiriting. The core symptoms are essentially the same ones that occur within a classic (unipolar) depressive episode e.g.the persistent suppression of one's mood, low energy levels, an inability to enjoy previously pleasurable activities, poor concentration and reduced appetite. It is typically within this context that people may experience thoughts that life is not worth living. The depressive episodes can last for weeks or months. 

Having mood swings does not constitute the presence of bipolar disorder. There is a specific pattern that occurs within bipolar disorder, best recognised by a suitably qualified mental health professional who can make the diagnosis, rather than Dr Google! 

Most mental health conditions can be thought as occurring in the context of biological, psychological and social factors. Bipolar disorder is strongly considered to be very much at the biological end of the spectrum and is known to occur more commonly in families in which there is already a person with an established diagnosis. This strongly indicates that genetic factors play a significant role in whether somebody experiences bipolar in their lifetime. It most commonly begins in mid-20s. Further episodes may be brought on by periods of significant stress or a lack of sleep.

The frequency with which episodes occur varies significantly from person to person. However, in most cases medication is required on a long-term basis to reduce the intensity and the frequency of episodes. In some cases, it is not possible to completely eliminate the presence of depressive or manic episodes, but to try and gain better control on the symptoms. 

As with any other chronic condition, these hard facts can be difficult to swallow, particularly in the realms of unanswered prayer and healing ministry.

The fluctuations from depression to mania and back again can leave people broken hearted, frustrated and questioning God. Bipolar disorder strikes at the heart of our theology concerning mental illness. 

Bipolar disorder is a condition that requires specialist assessment and treatment. If you are concerned that you or a loved one might be exhibiting symptoms of bipolar disorder, you should encourage them to contact their GP. Spiritual support can be of huge value and help to reduce the stigma associated with this condition, but must be regarded as a compliment rather than an alternative to medical intervention. 

Further information on bipolar disorder:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/about-bipolar-disorder/  
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/bipolar-disorder 
 

Chi-Chi Obuaya, 29/04/2022

Dr Chi-Chi Obuaya is a Consultant Psychiatrist working in the NHS and in independent practice, as well as a Mind & Soul Foundation Director

Faith & Counselling

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

“I’m really struggling at the moment. I’ve thought about counselling, but I just don’t know where to start. And if I’m honest, I have a strong faith and feel like that should be enough.”

Talking Points

A couple years ago, that little dreaded orange engine light popped up on the dashboard of my car. Since learning to drive, I have jumped from one old car to the next, so this was nothing new and I was worried that taking it to a mechanic would just mean an inevitable bill that I couldn’t afford. So I ignored it, hoping it would go away on it’s own.

It didn’t. A few days later I was driving home and a loud bang was followed by bellows of smoke. I popped open the bonnet to see a part of my engine in flames on the road underneath.

We can often approach our mental health like this. We see the warning signs: not sleeping properly, persistent stress or feeling extra irritable. But we don’t know what to do or what steps to take, so we pray, we try and deal with it on our own, in the hope that – in time – the lights will go off, and things will return to normal.

Prayer is powerful, undeniably. But when our car engine light shows up, while we might say a prayer, we know we should also follow this up with a professional. Someone who can pop open the bonnet, knows what they are looking for, and start any repairs before the situation gets worse. So why do we sometimes take such a radically different approach when it comes to mental health? Why do so many Christians put off the idea of counselling, thinking that their faith should be enough?

Truth to Ponder 

Like a well trained mechanic, counsellors are professionals who understand the complexities of your emotional health and can help repair it without causing more harm. 

There is Biblical wisdom in seeking out this kind of support. Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counsellors there is safety.”

It also reflects God’s heart for healing and restoration. Isaiah 61:1 declares: “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor… to bind up the brokenhearted.” 

Counselling is one of the many tools that God can use to bring healing and hope to His people. It’s nothing to be afraid of, although we understand it can take a tremendous amount of courage to begin the journey. The most important step we take is the very first one: admitting we can’t do it all on our own (we weren’t designed to).

Just don’t know where to start?
Perhaps you are fully aware that you need some counselling, but you just have no idea where to start. That’s understandable. It can be incredibly overwhelming when you are considering it for the first time. So start off by reading this blog post, which will guide you through the things you need to think about, what to look for, and how to make sense of the different options available.


I think I need counselling. What now?

Like that orange engine light on your car dashboard, our emotional wellbeing can give off warning signs—perhaps you’re feeling off, facing persistent stress, or noticing recurring emotional “hiccups” that just don’t seem right.

We may hesitate to seek professional help, worrying about cost or whether it’s truly necessary. We might try to address these issues ourselves, thinking we can fix them, but without the right tools or knowledge, the risk of causing further damage is high. Trying to handle the problem on our own could lead to a much bigger breakdown.

Just as you wouldn’t trust your car to a mechanic who lacks the expertise to repair its engine, there are times you may need a counsellor who understands the complexities of your emotional health and can help repair it without causing more harm. Here’s how to find the right expert to guide you through your healing process.

Counsellor vs Psychotherapist: What’s the Difference?

Just as there’s a difference between a car manufacturer and a car mechanic, there’s a difference between psychotherapists and counsellors. While both counsellors and psychotherapists help people with emotional issues, the key difference lies in the depth of their work. Counsellors typically focus on short-term issues, offering support and coping strategies. Psychotherapists, on the other hand, work with more complex, long-term emotional or psychological concerns, exploring deep-seated patterns and trauma.

What Should I Look for in a Good Counsellor?

The most essential part of any counselling relationship is trust. A good counsellor will create a safe, empathetic space where you can be honest without fear of judgment. You should feel heard, understood, and respected. Boundaries are also important—your counsellor should maintain professionalism, showing up on time, being organised, and respecting your emotional and personal space. They should also ensure that what you share remains confidential unless there’s a serious risk to safety.

When choosing a counsellor, it’s also essential to verify their qualifications. Look for professional accreditation from recognised bodies like ACC (Association of Christian Counsellors), or BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy), which ensure the counsellor adheres to high ethical and professional standards. You can verify these credentials on the organisations’ websites.

Are There Any Counselling Red Flags?

While most counsellors are ethical and professional, counselling is not regulated in the UK and there are a few red flags to watch for. A lack of professionalism, such as frequent lateness or disorganisation, can be a sign of poor boundaries. A good counsellor will never use coercion or pressure in any way, and this includes the use of scripture or prayer. Faith practices in the counselling room should never be used to bring condemnation or coercion. If a counsellor pressures you to continue therapy against your will or avoids being transparent about their credentials, it could indicate that they’re not the right fit. Lastly, any inappropriate behaviour, whether personal or sexual, is a serious red flag. Red flags can be reported to professional bodies such as those mentioned above, but if the issue involves illegal behaviour or serious concerns such as sexual misconduct or harm, it should be reported directly to the Police. Additionally, if the counsellor is part of a specific church or faith-based organisation, you may want to report the issue to the relevant leadership or authority within that organisation.

Is Counselling a ‘One Size Fits All’ Approach?

When it comes to counselling, many people wonder if it’s a one-size-fits-all approach, or if there’s a specific method that will work best for them. The reality is that just as every individual is unique, so too are their emotional and psychological needs. What works for one person may not be the right fit for someone else. This is why there are a variety of therapeutic approaches available—each designed to address different aspects of mental and emotional health. Finding the right type of therapy depends on factors like your personal preferences, the issues you’re dealing with, and what kind of approach feels most comfortable to you.. Here are the most common ones:

  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): A goal-oriented therapy that helps identify and change negative thought patterns. It’s effective for anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

  • Person-Centred Therapy: This non-directive approach focuses on creating a non- judgmental, empathetic space for individuals to explore their emotions and gain deeper self-understanding.

  • Psychodynamic Therapy: Looks at how unconscious patterns and past experiences shape current behaviours. It’s often used for long-term emotional healing.

  • Solution-Focused Therapy: A practical, short-term approach focused on finding solutions to immediate concerns and setting achievable goals.

  • Integrative Therapy: Combines various therapeutic techniques to tailor the approach to the client’s unique needs.

How Mercy UK Works With Counsellors as Part of the Freedom Journey

Our Freedom Journey is a trauma-informed, faith-based programme designed to guide participants through a process of emotional and spiritual healing - like a full MOT and Service for the Christian! As part of this programme, participants can access free-of-charge support, including counselling if needed, although we do ask for a donation or contribution towards the cost. Mercy works with a bank of counsellors and psychotherapists who support participants as part of the Freedom Journey. We take the utmost care in selecting the right professionals to support participants on this journey. All of the counsellors we work with are registered with the BACP or ACC, ensuring they meet the highest standards of practice. Additionally, all our counsellors are DBS checked and receive regular supervision from an accredited supervisor to ensure the safety and well-being of those seeking support. They also align with our statement of faith and ethical framework, offering a compassionate, faith-centred approach that complements our overall mission to support the emotional, mental, and spiritual health of individuals. So, if you have spotted that warning light in your own life, don’t ignore it. Find the support that’s right for you.


More Christian Mental Health Resources

Discover the 𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚢 𝙻𝚒𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚢

Do I need counselling as a christian?

Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counsellors there is safety.”

Historically, the church has always played a central role in offering counsel to individuals facing life’s challenges. The modern understanding of counselling, particularly psychological counselling, evolved in the 19th and 20th centuries with the rise of psychology as a formal discipline. However, Christian counselling has remained distinct, integrating biblical truth with psychological principles to provide holistic care.

Counselling is a powerful tool for healing, restoration, and personal growth but does the ability to counsel others come from natural talent, learned skill, or a spiritual gift?

The Bible doesn’t explicitly list the term “counselling” as one of the spiritual gifts, but Scripture does point to wisdom, discernment, encouragement, and shepherding as key gifts that align closely with the heart of counselling.

One of the most relevant passages is Romans 12:6-8, which says: “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us… if it is to encourage, then give encouragement.”

Encouragement (or exhortation) is a foundational part of counselling—helping people find hope and strength in their struggles. Similarly, 1 Corinthians 12:8 speaks of the gift of wisdom and knowledge, both of which are vital in guiding and advising others.

Beyond individual gifting, counselling also reflects God’s heart for healing and restoration. Isaiah 61:1 declares: “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor… to bind up the brokenhearted.” Counselling, whether through professional training or spiritual gifting, plays a role in this work of restoration.

However, while some are naturally gifted in wisdom and encouragement, counselling is also a skill that can be developed. The Holy Spirit empowers Believers with wisdom and discernment, but learning how to listen, empathise, and guide effectively is a process that can be, and should be, refined through continual professional development and accountability.

So, is counselling a spiritual gift?

Perhaps not in name, but its core elements—wisdom, encouragement, discernment, and shepherding—are undeniably gifts from God. Whether through professional practice or informal support, those called to counsel others play a vital role in bringing healing and hope and are in themselves, a gift to His Church.

Should I Pray for Forgiveness for my Mental Health Struggles?

The Bible is full of examples of people struggling with their mental health. Elijah, after a great spiritual victory, became overwhelmed and wished for death (1 Kings 19:4). David often cried out to God in anguish, as seen in many Psalms, and some of his writings in Ecclesiastes carry a deep melancholy. Paul spoke of a “thorn in his flesh” that constantly disturbed him and described the inner battle of doing what he did not want to do (Romans 7:15). Yet, God never abandoned them—He met them with grace and strength.

Many who struggle with mental health challenges wrestle with feelings of guilt, shame, or unworthiness before God.

We may wonder if our anxiety, depression, or intrusive thoughts are a form of punishment, if they make us less faithful, or if God is disappointed in our struggles...

But the Bible paints a very different picture—one of grace, compassion, and unwavering love. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God does not reject those who are struggling; instead, He draws near to them with love and care. Even when our struggles make it difficult to sense His presence, He remains with us.

It’s important to remember that mental health struggles are not sinful.

Illness—whether physical or mental—is a result of living in a fallen world, not a reflection of someones faithfulness or worth. However, our struggles with mental health can sometimes lead us into thoughts or actions that cause harm to ourselves and others.

Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin.” While emotions like worthlessness, shame, anguish, or despair can arise in the midst of mental health battles, we are still responsible for how we respond to them. Acknowledging our struggles and seeking support can help us make choices that promote stability and healing.

God’s forgiveness is not withheld from those struggling with their mental health. However, unforgiveness—whether towards ourselves, others, or even God—can create a barrier that makes it difficult to fully receive His grace and peace.

The Bible repeatedly emphasises the importance of forgiveness, not only as something we receive from God but also as something we must extend to ourselves and others. Mark 11:25 says, “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Holding onto bitterness or guilt can weigh us down and hinder our spiritual and emotional healing and produce a state of stress in our mind and body.

As part of the healing process, it can be helpful to reflect on how mental health struggles have impacted our lives and relationships. Seeking forgiveness—for the times we have acted in ways that hurt ourselves or others—can be a significant step toward growth and restoration. This is not about condemning ourselves or apologising for having mental health struggles, but about recognising that we still have agency in our lives. Our struggles do not define us, nor do they diminish our capacity to walk in God’s grace and truth.


Discover Keys to Freedom

Our Christian Mental Health Guidebook, completed in your church.

Can faith help in overcoming addiction?

Addiction is a complex and often painful struggle, affecting not only the individual but also their loved ones.

Whether it’s substances, behaviours, or even thoughts that keep us trapped, the battle against addiction can feel overwhelming. But what does God say about addiction? Does He turn away from those who struggle to break free? How does God offer hope and freedom?

The Bible never shies away from the reality of human struggles, including addiction. Scripture acknowledges the pull of sin and destructive habits. Even the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15 describes the frustration of that inner tug of war against the pull of destructive habits, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do”.

But the Bible also speaks of God’s power to redeem and restore. John 8:36 reminds us, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” God’s heart is always for freedom to become part of our story, and often, this begins by acknowledging that addiction itself, comes with a backstory that is often key to our healing.

Addiction can often be rooted in pain, trauma, or a deep longing for something to fill an emptiness inside.

This goes some way in explaining why breaking free from addiction is not just as simple as ‘stopping the behaviour’ or receiving the prayer-line encounter. Even when we do experience God’s love or healing touch, we know that breakthrough requires walk-through and staying free requires discipline and determination.

This often involves getting to the root of our addictive behaviours and allowing God to heal the pain we can finally face so that we can live free and stay free. The Bible teaches that only God can truly satisfy our deepest needs.

Psalm 107:9 says, “For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” The things we turn to for comfort or escape can never offer lasting peace, but God’s love and Presence can. God doesn’t condemn those struggling with addiction—He calls them to healing. Romans 5:8 tells us, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” His love is not conditional on our ability to fix ourselves; He meets us in our brokenness and walks with us toward wholeness.


Learn about artificial stabilisers

And how to depend on God fully

What About You - Self-Perception

On Mercy’s Freedom Journey, we invite participants to use a tool called What About You?

The What About You? Tool is a way for individuals to consider what they think about themselves and who they believe themselves to be. It starts with a collection of adjectives that individuals are asked to circle if the word rings true for them, ranging from how they look, to things they like or don’t like about themselves.

It’s a powerful tool because it’s not often that we take stock of what we really believe about ourselves. We may find it a lot easier to describe how we want to be seen or how we feel others may view us…

But to honestly reflect on our own thoughts and feelings, however uncomfortable, can be the start of something powerful

Because once we piece together our self-perception, we can start to understand where those perceptions and beliefs came from. Life experiences, social and cultural contexts, family and peers all contribute to shaping our self-perception. Sometimes this is positive, but sometimes this is negative and can impact how we live our lives. 

The tool continues by asking individuals to reflect on how they perceive God. Not who they know him to be, or should believe he is, but their own authentic experience, perceptions and feelings about him. 

It is often said that ‘I know God is, therefore I believe he is…whether I feel it or not’. Whilst there is validity to this statement - of course our feelings are changeable and God is truth - it can sometimes lead us to deny the reality of what we actually experience. We bury our God in a mountain of head knowledge, trying not to notice the disparity, or dissonance, between our heart and our head. 

But to safely explore this dissonance - for example, ‘I know God is good, but with me he seems cruel and harsh’ or ‘I know God is trustworthy but he let me down when I needed him the most’ is a huge step in building an honest, authentic relationship with God where we acknowledge these feelings out loud.

For some, this can feel like one step too far - a vulnerability that risks losing God altogether. And yet, the reality couldn’t be further from the truth (Psalm 18) as we enter dialogue with God. 

One thing that quickly becomes apparent as we work our way through the tool, is that there are often links between perception of self, others and God. For example, our experience growing up was that we were lonely or had few friends. Our perception of Jesus is ‘distant’. The connection can sometimes be clear- that we can have perceptions of God that are based on our human experiences. 

For example, when we recognise the feelings connected to an absent father, we may notice that we transfer this to the sense of an absent God. An emotionally absent mother? This may translate for some as a sense of a God who is present but who’s presence doesn’t soothe us.  

There is no formula to this, but it is worth noticing and bringing into an open space in order to deal with hurts that have impacted our sense of self and perceptions of other people and God.

Our experience at Mercy has been that time and time again, when individuals allow themselves to be honest about who they really believe God to be, he has revealed his gentle truth. Through encounter, perceptions about God and self and others have been transformed.

You can access the tool here:


The Big Christian Mental Health Campaign

We want to do our part to help break the taboo, remove the stigma, and normalise Christ-centered mental health and wellbeing support.

Grief & Loss

How can I support a friend who has experienced a recent bereavement?

There is no rule book for processing grief. Everyone experiences and expresses it differently. The following suggestions are both ways you can support your friend and ideas your friend may wish to consider to help them begin to process their emotions and experiences.  

  • Often straight after the bereavement, the instinct is to give someone space although that can be the time when someone needs to know most that they are not alone. Try to resist the temptation to back off until they contact you and instead, let them know that you are there

  • Be aware that the weeks and months after the bereavement are often the hardest as that is when everyone goes back to their normal routine and lives, leaving those deep in grief with a sense of detachment from normality. 

  • Encourage your friend to feel - fully feel. It sounds obvious, but the waves of extreme emotions you experience when bereaved can be really hard to fully allow. Guilt, anger, sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, amongst many other emotions, will rise and fall – encourage space to be made for all according to whatever they need.

  • Grief is experienced entirely differently by each person. No experience of grief is the same. Avoid any kind of language that compares or suggests they should be moving through or feeling better or moving on in their grief. 

  • Be directive in your practical support. Don’t tell them to just ask if they need anything.  Instead, let them know what you’ll do and check that suits them. (“I was just popping to the shops. I’ll pick up some dinners for you- will you be in if I drop them off at 7?”)

  • You could offer your friend a means of personal expression, should they want to use it. You might know that they journal, or paint, or enjoy using spreadsheets for example. They might want to just write or create or make lists - anything that allows them to honestly and authentically process and express what comes up for them as they grieve. 

  • Be mindful of significant dates that may have been celebrated or remembered in some way. Your friend may wish to mark those dates in a personal way e.g. visit a significant place, go for a walk, think of a significant activity (for example place flowers, release a balloon, read out a letter etc). Making space to mark a significant date helps with processing grief and loss

  • Make a memory box. This involves putting together a box with photos, letters, memories etc. They can go through the box when they want to remember the person and allow themselves space to grieve. Creating a memory box is a good way of remembering loved ones. It also gives the feeling of protecting or gathering positive memories. 

  • It can be really helpful to talk to a trusted friend or trained person who can help someone process all that comes up as they grieve. 

  • It can be tempting to offer simple comments when we are unsure of what to say. Avoid using spiritual language or out of context bible verses that are unrelated to grief and imply in any way that they should be more hopeful/ joyful/ strong and courageous/ happy their loved one is with Jesus. It will do more harm to supress deep sorrow than aide recovery. 

  • Write an ‘unsent letter’ to the person you lost. Write down what you miss, your memories (good and bad), what you might have liked to say to them, any regrets you may have etc. You can even process any forgiveness this way too and make peace, as you heal. Writing a letter provides you with a space to express your honest thoughts and feelings in order to explore further any themes that may come up. Letter writing also allows thoughts and feelings to be processed that were previously unacknowledged.

  • It is normal to want to avoid painful feelings and memories. Escapism through addictive coping mechanisms, ie alcohol in excess, electronics, over-working or recreational drugs may offer very short term relief, but addictive behaviours make it more difficult to manage our feelings and ultimately to heal

  • Encourage your friend to seek advice when making any significant decisions especially those with long-term consequences or which are life-altering in some way. Grief and loss causes confusion and it can influence our decision making ability. This is because our brain is actually functioning differently with higher levels of stress hormones. It is common to experience confusion and memory loss during this time.

It is worth remembering that if you feel a pull to want to fix or move your friend through their grief, take a step back. This is their life, their journey, their pain and you as a friend are there to love, to bring kindness and to listen. The above ideas may or may not be useful to your friend as this experience will be unique to them. What you can do without restraint is bring them before the God who sees deep into their pain, who weeps with them and who loves them.

Artificial Stabilisers

As you go through our Keys to Freedom Workbook, you’ll find an illustration of a child's bike that has stabilisers on it. This image describes the way that we as humans often rely on things in life to keep us both safe and stable, coping strategies that act as a substitute for the role of God in our lives. 

Within church we may be familiar with teachings that tell us how important it is to rely on God. We all believe it is important for us to surrender to him and to let him rule our lives. And yet the reality of this concept presents us with a number of challenges.

The aim of this article is to help us notice those challenges rather than ignoring them. But also to confront the perceptions we may have around the teaching, to understand further the heart of God and how he cares for us, in order for us to consider laying down our stabilisers.

Firstly let's see what the Bible says about relying fully on God:

Isaiah 26:4. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding

James 4:7 submit yourselves then to God.

Jeremiah 10:23 Lord I know that people's lives are not their own it is not for them to direct their steps

Romans 12:12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Noticing what your internal response is as you read those verses this will give you an idea of your starting point. Please note it is OK for you to read these verses and feel like depending on God isn't something you are comfortable doing. At worst it may bring up terror within you.

Let's be fully honest right now, what God seems to be suggesting is that we let go of anything that gets in the way of our dependence on him and what that might mean for some of us is huge.

Before we go any further our first point is to recognise the nature of God within this. He is not a God who is demanding, who has extremely high expectations or who is cruel. Our God does not walk up to a human on crutches and kick the crutch out from underneath them ruthlessly demanding them to do better and just try walking alone. If that image of God resonates with you right now take a moment to notice it because it may be that before you consider artificial stabilisers you may wish to make space to heal from wherever that concept of God has come from in your life. 

The reality could not be further from the truth. As the most loving father, God’s desire is that he would be the all-providing all-nurturing God of comfort, peace and provision that you need from your heavenly parent. Not because he has an ego that needs massaging but because he's a loving parent who loves his child so much that he wants to, and can be, everything that you could ever need. It gives him pleasure to bring you comfort, it gives him pleasure to meet your needs, because you bring him pleasure and not only does he want to provide all these things for you but he can provide all these things for you. It is a love exchange not a demanding command.

As we consider what artificial stabilisers we have in our own lives, there may be a number of thoughts that come to mind. I find it helpful to imagine a scale in my mind. At one end of the scale there is a mobile phone, a vape, maybe a packet of biscuits or an online shopping cart. And all the way at the other end of the scale there may be isolating, intellectualising, multiple sexual partners, spiritualising, high achieving, for example. At one end of the scale is more specific habits and items we use and the other end more general (and maybe harder to identify) ways of being. Each example listed relates to our human experience where there is something that we need that we are trying to meet ourselves whether that be safety, comfort, emotional regulation or a way of hiding, all born out of what we need.

Which brings me to the key to all of this... our needs. 

The role of a parent is to meet the needs of a child. As children we all had needs and those needs were valid and essential for our survival. We needed to be fed, we needed to be held, we needed to be loved, we needed to be kept warm (Maslow's hierarchy of needs might be helpful if you wish to look further at this subject). We needed comfort if we hurt ourselves, we needed safety where we felt scared, amongst many other things.

When we are able to recognise where maybe some of those needs in childhood weren't met, we can start to piece together where some of our own artificial stabiliser behaviours may come from. We may start to see that a number of patterns of our behaviour are actually about ways that we are meeting our own needs ourselves because they weren't met for us when they needed to be - or whether they were met in ways that, now, don’t seem quite so healthy for us as adults. 

Here's an example: As a child, whenever Sarah was upset or emotional, her mum would simply hand her a sweet treat. It made her feel good, it stopped her tears. Her need in that moment was for comfort, whilst her mum may have sought to appease her need, it wasn’t met in a healthy way- through emotional response and physical comfort of presence, but instead, through food. Now as an adult, Sarah finds herself reaching for sweet food in order to feel that comfort she needed whenever she feels emotions rising. The food makes her feel good and comforted- but the experience is short-lived and ultimately leaves Sarah feeling worse than before. If Sarah were to consider this as an artificial stabiliser, how might she want God to meet that need within her? 

Another example - this one is about significance: Alex’s experience as a child was with a father who loved him but made him feel as if he never quite measured up. As Alex grew, his need to feel significant and valued by his Dad drew him into high powered, high stress jobs. Through these, he gained a name for himself, respect from peers and a high salary, but ultimately driven by his need for value, this stabiliser can only be met by a God who gives us our worth.  

Maybe by understanding this about ourselves, we can start to find some self-compassion for our ways of being and behaviours that seem so hard to give up or walk away from or hand over to God. Maybe, we can start to entertain the idea that God feels the same way too- compassionate, understanding, empathetic and gentle to our ways that have felt so safe to us, despite offering us-often- very little safety or resolution in reality. 

And so, what next?

Once we are aware of our artificial stabilisers, and the role that they play in meeting our needs, what do we do with them? Remembering that ‘My God shall supply all your needs according to the riches of Christ Jesus’ is a safe place to start. We belong to a living God who tells us that he is able to meet ALL our needs via his absolute riches that he wants to give us.

And then, asking and allowing God to reveal to us what the stabiliser is, where it came from, who we may need to forgive for not meeting that need in us, and choosing to hand it to him  (where he says it is safe to do so). The precious thing about this moment is that in all of this, I imagine that God's favourite part is being able to tell you how he wishes to meet that need within you himself. And allowing yourself to consider life without that stabiliser and instead, keeping your eyes open and senses aware to how he chooses to do this in your everyday life.

God made us human and so is fully aware that our human habits are not easily broken. Sometimes you may notice a change straight away in your desire to use that stabiliser but sometimes these changes require perseverance and a commitment from us to start partnering with God and living out a new way of being that is treasured, held, and delighted in. 

Whilst the above may seem simple (or not!) it is important to notice, again, your internal response when it comes to handing over old behaviours to God. This is because we only we are only able to do this when we have a felt or known perception of God that we can trust him to provide our needs and that he is safe enough for us to be able to do this. It is OK to notice if the concept of trusting him enough to do this is too much for you. Just as in human relationships, trust has to be developed and worked on over time.

Whilst we know that God is the most trustworthy being in the universe, our experience of human interactions who have let us down may leave us questioning whether he is in fact trustworthy as we project our fear onto him. Inviting God to show you the truth, alongside support from someone you trust will be key.

To re-visit the image of the child’s bike we described at the start, it’s worth noting that a child’s stabilisers aren’t whipped off ready for them to fall as soon as they get on the bike for the first time.  There is a confidence growing, a practice, a trust in the parent that is necessary first. God wont ask you to take off something that isn’t safe to be removed, but he will help you see where you have stabilisers that make you ‘feel’ safe, but in fact are keeping you from him. There is also a reality that you may have developed many of these stabilisers in childhood…but as an adult these don’t serve you so well anymore, because you aren’t a child anymore. By letting yourself acknowledge how these stabilisers may have held you, but are no longer needed, is an important aspect of the healing journey. To then invite God into that need (we will always have needs!) is the essence of casting your cares on him/ letting him hold you/ putting your trust in him/ surrendering to him.

(TW) Self-Harm

When considering the term self-harm, a number of perspectives come into play. Maybe you have a friend or family member who struggles with self-harm and you are looking for help. Maybe you are supporting someone pastorally in your church or maybe you have used pain yourself as a coping technique…

Whichever angle you read this article from, we hope to bring clarity over what self-harm is and hopefully debunk some unhelpful myths. Hopefully, this article will help to provide some next steps, or even just allow you to be seen if this is something that you are coping with each day. 

Self-harm is a broad umbrella term for harming oneself as a way of coping.

It can bring about a sense of short-term relief from distress someone may be experiencing either through overwhelming experiences, memories or feelings like intense anger or stress. Self-harm can be a way of an individual expressing their inner emotional pain. It can also be a means of self-punishment, a way to feel in control or to avoid traumatic memories.

It can be common to feel an ‘urge’ to want to self-harm, or for it to be triggered by a moment, event, sensation that compels a response or desire to feel release. The urge to self-harm can be accompanied by feelings of low worth or self-hatred. 

To those on the outside of the experience, it may seem counterintuitive to inflict harm on self in order to alleviate pain. But to the individual experiencing it, feeling something when feeling emotionally numb or empty, or it being like an expression outwardly of what’s taking place inwardly can bring relief, if only for a short time. Self-harm can also give the feeling that internal stress or anxiety is somehow being managed and controlled. 

There are several beliefs swirling around- let’s be honest, particularly in Christian circles- that can make an individual’s healing journey much more complicated. Let’s unpack them here.

Unhelpful Myths

The problem will go away if we don’t draw attention to it

The exact opposite is actually true. (and, if left unchallenged, this belief can make us complicit in a church culture that hides abuse and other harm). The more self-harm is brushed away or kept quiet or secretive, the more harmful it can become. Those who self-harm need a safe and welcoming space that encourages them to be open with peers or those close to them. Shame will never benefit a person and instead cause the problem to become more private and the individual more isolated.

The more attention we draw to it, the more we condone it.

No. In order to support and help, we HAVE to be prepared to challenge the stigma surrounding self-harm. We HAVE to be able to embrace this as not something to be ashamed of or alienated because of. If someone is in pain because they’ve broken their leg at Monday night football, we don’t tell them they should be ashamed for the noise they’re making and throw bible verses at them about how they haven’t looked after their body. In the same way, we must approach the outward expression of inward pain with gentleness, understanding and be willing to give that pain a voice- should it wish to be heard.

By giving a person alternative ways to express their pain (see list below) we are still promoting causing pain to self.

No, they are already in pain. If we focus our attention on the ‘act’ then we lose sight of the reason behind the self-harm, the why behind the what. The internal pain or distress someone is in should be our focus.  However, there can be complications of ongoing self-harm leading to medical intervention and so alternative methods can be helpful in helping alleviate ‘the urge’ and the possible complications of self-injury.

Self-harm is a way of attention seeking

This is a myth that, troublingly, has done a great deal of damage both inside and outside of the church. If we can re-shape our thinking to understand that those who self-harm are not attention-seeking but seeking release from the distress they are experiencing, then our ability to care, to be present and to be a listening ear should it be needed will be positively impacted.

Self-harm is an intent to commit suicide

Self harm can be entirely unrelated to suicidal thoughts or intent. Just because someone self-harms, doesn’t mean they are entertaining thoughts of suicide. However it is worth noting that the persistent feelings of self-hatred and low worth can sometimes exacerbate the ideation of suicide, along with the persistent pattern of causing damage to the body. If you are supporting an individual, keep open communication with them. 

Along with myths, there are a number of unhelpful Bible passages that have been used in order to try and stop someone from self-harming. The premise of this is if we can make someone feel guilty or bad for doing it, via scripture no less, then they will stop. Whilst the passages themselves are full of truth -yes, our bodies are temples for the Holy Spirit and are therefore sacred, for example- it is not helpful to share this with someone in the hope that this will deter them. It won’t. It’s important to remember that individuals who self-harm are not trying to go against the truth of God, they are struggling to cope with the build up of stress/ anger/fear inside of them, and that should be our starting place- safety, no judgement, kindness. If there is already a perception in someone that they are not worthy or deserving of kindness or love, or they are punishing themselves, then using scriptures in this way will only increase that sense. 

We strongly recommend that these passages are not taken out of context to try and address someone’s urge to self-harm. They can do much more harm than good.

Next Steps

If you struggle with self-harm:

  • If you are self-harming, you are not faulty or a bad Christian. You are in pain, and you deserve for that to be recognised.

  • If you are self-harming there are ways to help you deal with the sometimes-overwhelming feelings or experiences you are living with. If you feel this is out of control or taking over your life, talk to a trusted professional or seek help.

  • Expression of feelings is key- by any mode. If talking isn’t your bag, or a place you’re at, then there are other means of expression. Creative forms particularly are helpful in enabling us to connect with our feelings without having to put words to them, and instead use the arts- dance or movement, drama, art or music (drumming can be a really effective expression of anger and pain) and all of which enable expression of our internal world. Church hasn’t historically been comfortable with expression, so it may be that you notice some barriers to self-expression in your own world- notice them.

Where to get help

  • If you or someone else is in danger, call 999 or go to A&E 

  • If you need urgent help for your mental health, get help from NHS 111 online or call 111

  • The National Self-Harm Network is a support forum for those who are struggling or ideating: https://www.nshn.co.uk/

  • Harmless “the national centre of excellence for self harm and suicide prevention” provide support and information: www.harmless.org.uk 

  • You can also call your local GP

  • Speak to your counsellor

If you are supporting someone who self-harms:

  • Your job is not to relieve them of their internal pain. Don’t try it, don’t do it. If you aren’t qualified to help individuals locate and express their inner world, don’t do it. Help the individual- if they want- to find someone who can help. Some individuals may never feel comfortable revealing that pain to anyone- don’t expect it, don’t push for it.

  • If your family member or friend is self-harming, take steps to be a safe person. No preaching, no using Bible verses to shame them, just a safe listening ear should they need. Be aware of your own responses to heightened or uncomfortable emotions. How comfortable do you feel expressing your feelings healthily? You may want to become comfortable with basic first aid. This can feel uncomfortable, almost a kind of ‘just accepting this is how it is’- yes, that is what it is. Your job is not to rescue or prevent it. Your job is to be there with kindness and care. 

  • Think about how you can help others to understand their emotions in a simple way, ie there are many great resources available now to help children and adults understand their emotions and self-regulation. Learn how to self-soothe in order to share with others, and never underestimate the role of kindness, encouraging others to be kind to themselves- their inner voice, their self-care actions, all these speak of letting pain be allowed to come out in healthy ways.

  • It can be really hard to see a loved one hurting themselves. If you need to, find help and speak with someone you trust about how it is impacting you.

Low Self-Esteem

What is low self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how we perceive ourselves- what we feel we are worth and what value we believe we hold. Low self- esteem, therefore, refers to when an individual feels that they are lacking in worth, value and a sense of who they are in comparison to others.

How do I know if I have low self-esteem?

One way to notice how you feel about yourself is being aware of how you talk to yourself - it will tell you a lot about how you view yourself and what you feel you are worthy of

Other signals you may notice might be comparison with others, or making decisions in your life always based on what others think you should do, or what you imagine others would want from you. It can be accompanied by a lack of feeling in control of your own life or being able to make choices based on your own wants and needs. You may find it hard to say no or you may feel that you’re not really deserving of good things.

What impacts my self-esteem?

We all feel low self-esteem in our lives at some point. Our self-esteem (who we feel we are) can often be impacted by circumstances and people around us and that starts at a very early age in our development, whether through parents, community, peers, teachers, or whoever we engage with in the world. As social creatures we soak in the opinions, comments, nuances of body language and behaviours of other people - whether we realise it (consciously) or not (sub-consciously) and it all builds up a picture within us of who we really are. 

Someone may be able to locate that they have low self-esteem very easily. It may impact their life to the extent that they don’t feel any control over their own life or choices, or barely hold a sense of self. But it can also impact individuals in very subtle ways, whether it’s not feeling worthy of their place in the supermarket queue or feeling uncomfortable with any genuine expression of affection or praise at work for example.

Self-esteem and different viewpoints

Self-esteem can be a contentious phrase in the Christian world.  

Whilst this article does not seek to argue with or rip apart theological perspectives- after all, there are many and each has a different starting point- there is an important perspective to bring as we look at the theme of self-esteem. 

We were born human. Whether theologically we believe that we were born evil or born good, what we can all agree on is that as babies we grow and develop a sense of ‘self’. In a healthy situation, this ‘self’ is nurtured and developed. We develop a sense of being in the world, of curiosity, of safety, of likes and dislikes. We learn of our ability to make choices, to reason, to assert ourselves in the world and relate to others. This is what is means to be human, created by God. This is important to remember, because the self-esteem we are talking about is not a self-centric ‘I can do this life without God’ or ‘I don’t need his love because I love myself already’. But instead a sense that we have a place in the world and that that is good and God-given.

Where is God in our low self-esteem?

The simple answer to that is that:

a) He believes we are the bees’ knees* and

b) our life experiences often lead us to find it really hard to believe that concept.

Rather than feelings of low self-esteem being something we can become aware of and explore, we can often find ourselves feeling shame or guilt (low self-worth anyone?) for how we feel about ourselves, and how we must be disappointing God for feeling that way. We may even be told by others that we are wrong for feeling that way because God disagrees. But shame can push us even further away from the truth about who we really are despite the reality that in his eyes, we have worth, we have value and are loved. 

When we feel a low sense of self-worth we can sometimes tell ourselves that we ‘shouldn’t’ feel or think that way because God loves us, referencing scriptures that tell us how we instead ‘should’ feel. 

However sometimes that can become a small sticky plaster over a gaping wound that needs attention, because in essence we’re trying to convince ourselves of something we don’t believe.  Does God’s word re-shape our thinking and sense of self? Absolutely! Can his Word tear down things we think about ourselves that aren’t true? 100% yes! But God invites us into that journey, not by slapping us with his Word but by gently encouraging us to explore why we don’t believe it, to notice and to encounter him as we encounter ourselves. 

There’s no denying that when we have low self-esteem and we first come to God, we’ll often feel a sense of self increase i.e a sense of being wanted, of being loved, of even being liked! It is testament to God’s nature as a healing God that even just knowing God changes something within us feeling more loved. 

But, when we notice a huge chasm between how God perceives us versus how we perceive us, there’s an invitation to notice how we feel about ourselves and to even begin to challenge those thoughts.

Some helpful ideas and activities

If you can identify with any of the above and have low self-worth, there are some things you could do that may help you. 

  • Ask people you trust to make a list of positive qualities they see in you. Maybe you could do this with a group of friends and add to each other’s lists? This won’t change your self-perception overnight! But it does help to increase peer support and build self-confidence.  

  • Regularly make time for doing things that you enjoy, maybe visit your favourite coffee shop or take a walk you enjoy. You may find it hard even recognising what you enjoy- take some time to find out! Doing things you like on a regular basis can build in the habit of recognising your own needs and desires which may have previously been neglected or ignored.

  • Regularly practice activities you enjoy doing, for example a hobby or craft, or learning a new language. Improving your skills in an activity or craft can increase your confidence levels. 

  • Develop a nurturing, kind vocabulary- maybe a list of words and phrases- and practise using it regularly. Avoid statements that include ‘I should’ or ‘I must’ as these imply living to someone else’s expectations. Instead, consider how you might speak to a child and offer encouragement rather than criticism i.e if you drop something, ‘never mind, that will be easy to clean up’ or if you make a mistake, ‘It’s OK, you’re OK, nobody’s perfect’. Recognising our self-talk and replacing it can build kindness and self-nurture as adults, impacting our sense of self. 

  • Take a pause before saying ‘yes’ to someone. Reflect on why you are saying yes; ‘Is this to please the other or is it what I want and need to do?’ If you find this hard, explore and challenge your fears behind saying no and even practice saying it and noticing what comes up as you do. By taking a step back from your commitments you can start to recognise your own needs, desires, preferences and opinions. By learning to respond to these, you will develop self-awareness and assertiveness.

  • Consider how you interact with God’s Word. When you read a verse about who he says you are, notice how it makes you feel. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Be curious- ask yourself why and consider whether you’ve always felt that way. These are the first steps in exploring where your thoughts about yourself may have started and empowering you to challenge them. Try asking yourself with curiosity:  ‘If God says I am ______, then why do I believe I am ________? Rather than ‘If God says I am _______, then I should believe I am ________’. 

  • As you grow in self-understanding you may feel confident enough to begin to challenge some of your perceptions and beliefs about yourself. Don’t rush this process! Let yourself play around with Bible verses- personalise them, be creative with them. Why not ask God what he says about you in response to each particular thought that you have?

These are just some ways to begin to develop your own sense of self and explore your low self-esteem. As always, we recommend support - whether from a trusted friend or a counsellor who may help you explore your own perceptions and beliefs further.


Who am I in Christ?

Use this tool and learn about the high esteem you are held in.

Trauma Triggers

But what is trauma?

Trauma can be summed up as being the experience of a distressing event or series of events that have caused us harm. Trauma impacts our sense of safety, sense of self, our ability to feel emotions and our ability to connect relationally with others. Trauma cannot be defined by the event itself, but by the impact it has on each individual. 

What are triggers?

A trauma trigger is when we experience something through our senses (smell, taste, touch, sight, sound), that reminds our brain of that first traumatic experience. Despite it belonging in our past, our bodies experience our trauma as if it were in the present and our brains react accordingly. 

It could be that a particular smell of perfume, or the sound of someone’s voice takes your mind back to something that you notice impacts your body and thoughts. You may, for example, start feeling panicky or may notice yourself ‘phasing out’ and disconnecting from the world around you. 

Triggers can also be associated with happy experiences. The smell of a friend’s cooking may trigger you back to happy memories of your own childhood home, in this scenario you are living in the present but transported back the memory and feelings associated. 

Triggers can vary greatly in severity. You may go through life having not experienced a trigger, only to find it becomes a regular occurrence depending on what you are processing at the time.  On the other hand, triggers may be a daily occurrence for you, but may become less and less over time as you start to practice compassion with yourself in dealing with them. 

For example, someone can happily attend a prayer group for years of their life and then a memory of a negative experience, relating to prayer, may come into their awareness (their thoughts, memories or conversations). Suddenly the person feels anxious and sweaty at the idea of going to the prayer group, of being around others associated with the group, experiencing being ‘triggered’ back into an experience previously not in their thoughts or memories. This may develop as a total inability to attend or be near that group until the individual has been able to establish a sense of safety, helping their brain calm, get back online and rationalise the existence of the present rather than the past. 

What are flashbacks?

Triggers can sometimes lead to flashbacks, where someone is not only reminded of a memory linked to the trauma and the sensations that come with it, but they experience it again in their own reality. 

A flashback is experienced as if it were time-travel, where the brain re-enacts a traumatic experience or an individual is transported in their mind back to a particular traumatic place. An individual’s thoughts, emotions and bodily sensations all respond as it were taking place now in the present moment, making it extremely difficult to stay in contact with reality. 

Ways to help

Whilst triggers and flashbacks can feel debilitating, particularly when experienced frequently, it is absolutely possible to work with your triggers to lessen the impact they have on you. This is particularly true in relation to our senses. Just as they are the avenue by which we get triggered, they can also be our way out and of regulating* ourselves.

*Regulating is basically the word used to describe your nervous system’s way of calming down. When you are regulated, your breathing becomes more natural and normal, your heart rate stabilizes, you feel more in control and able to think. Essentially, when dysregulated, your back brain takes control, it’s fighting for your survival so all your body’s energy is going into that. Once regulated, your front brain becomes reactivated, it starts to take the reigns and help you start thinking clearly and rationally again enabling problem-solving, staying present in the moment and connecting with people.