When Life Feels Too Much: What Is Overwhelm and How Can You Manage It?

Overwhelm. Nobody likes it, but if we’re honest we’ve probably all experienced it. Overwhelm can hit us predictably, when we’re juggling many responsibilities and stresses at the same time - or strike out of the blue when something happens and triggers a powerful emotion. It floods our mind and paralyses our thinking, triggering powerful emotions and difficult thoughts that trigger yet more emotion. At its worst it can leave us afraid we might break with what we are carrying, or feeling like we can’t carry on. And overwhelm is often behind those moments we act out of character, lash out or do something we later regret or wish we could change. 

What is Overwhelm?

Overwhelm is pretty much exactly what it sounds like - your brain triggering an alert that it has too much to deal with in any one moment. Your mind’s capacity isn’t limitless - whether that is attention capacity (how many things can you juggle or focus on at the same time), cognitive capacity (how much can you problem solve, decide or analyse at once), emotional capacity (how much difficult stuff can you process whilst still carrying on relatively normally) or just plain energy (your brain gets tired just like your body).

Even your brain needs a break sometimes!

Going under…

As well as the practical limits to how much you can hold in your head, all the things going on around you make demands on your brain - and that triggers your physiological stress system because they need you to respond. Life doesn’t have to be distressing to be stressful. Times when you are juggling lots, or are very busy raises your baseline stress level as your brain coordinates all the things you need to keep your mind on.

We can think of the level in our physiological stress system as a bit like the water level in a pool. When the baseline is around our ankles everything is fine. The little challenges of everyday life are like waves - and if the water level is low a wave is no problem at all. But we all have a limit - when the water gets up to our neck. When stress gets that high, we start to feel at the edge of ourselves. You might notice physical symptoms like palpitations, your breathing getting faster or headaches. Your thinking changes as your brain starts to try to get you to move yourself to somewhere quieter and less demanding so that you don’t go under. You might notice thoughts like ‘I need to get out of here’ or ‘I can’t cope with this’ as a result.

Feeling Triggered

Of course sometimes it IS that we’re experiencing things that are emotional or distressing. And it doesn’t have to be in the present. Sometimes things going on NOW remind us of things in the past, and they trigger something I call echo emotions - emotions linked to the past event, but experienced as if it were happening in the present.

Emotions like anger or anxiety operate on the same physiological system - remember the old ‘fight or flight’ description of this system? This means something triggering a background emotional flare raises the level on the whole system. And on top of that, when we are close to overwhelm it changes how we experience our emotional reactions to the more ordinary things of life. If your baseline is low, your emotions feel relatively stable. But the higher your stress level the more near to the surface your emotions feel - and the more easily triggered. So you might find yourself reacting disproportionately to little things, or having to deal with yourself being much more emotional than usual.
 

Hijack

When you become close to overwhelm several things happen as your brain seeks to resolve the situation and calm things down. Firstly, as your brain is more under pressure, it has to change the way it makes decisions and processes information. You have two systems in your brain - a slow, analytical processing system that uses your rational problem-solving brain, and a fast, instinctive system, which uses your emotional brain. The fast system makes much less demand on your brain, so if your head is already full you use this one much more. When we are in overwhelm our ability to analyse and rationalise is turned right down. This makes us more likely to react and get ourselves out of the situation - but it means our minds take short cuts. 

The way this is experienced is that your thinking becomes very binary - one thing or another. Your mind simplifies the world as if it were black and white. Everything is either good or bad, success or failure, people are either for you or against you. Of course this isn’t true - things are rarely that simple. And when you feel bombarded and vulnerable you are more likely to assume the negative in each case. Which adds to your feeling of overwhelm.

Secondly, alongside this change in how you analyse and understand the world around us, your brain tries to get you to bail- to change your circumstances to reduce the demand. It does this with a powerful emotional reaction most people describe as a sense of rising panic or urgency, a need to get out or do something now. That, combined with the difficulties of thinking rationally, can leave us feeling powerless and hopeless, fuelling impulsive or desperate actions. And, as our overwhelmed brains seek quiet and calm, any kind of demand becomes hard. So talking to people, rooms full of noise, things that would normal feel perfectly reasonable - even demands from people or things you love - suddenly feel too much as you crave peace and escape.

The combination of all of this means that when we hit overwhelm things can feel very negative, and like there are no solutions or options except escape. It is important to remember that feeling like this is a symptom of overwhelm and not reality. Things are rarely, therefore, as bad as they feel. The likelihood is when you can find a calmer space and your thinking brain can kick back in things will feel less bleak. When you are overwhelmed the most important thing is to reduce demand, and to keep yourself safe in the meantime, and try to avoid reacting in ways you might regret or cannot be undone later.
 

Causes of overwhelm

Of course, everyone is unique and something one person finds overwhelming might not bother another at all. But here are some classic causes, together with tips for how to deal with them:

1. Demand, responsibility and busy seasons.

This one’s simple - the more stuff you are trying to figure out, keep going or hold in your head, the more demand on your brain. Think about when you go to the supermarket to get a list of things - and you haven’t written them down. You have to keep reciting them to yourself to keep them in your active memory. When life gets busy it is a bit like that but on a grand scale - and it is surprisingly stressful. This is why writing things down can help - it gets things out of your head and allows your mind to relax a little. 

If thoughts wake you up at the moment or keep you awake try keeping a notepad by your bed so you can write down things you need to remember or get out of your head. Or proactively do this - before you go to bed try to brainstorm things you need to do or remember the next day. It may help your mind switch off.  

2. Change

One cause of overwhelm we often overlook is change. Routine and rhythm tell your mind what to expect. It is calming and is a surprising source of our sense of security and normality. Anything which causes change triggers stress and negative emotion as your brain tries to alert you to the change, and direct attentional capacity towards processing what this means. 

3. Information barrage

One major source of overwhelm we are all exposed to is the potential for constant negative or anxiety-provoking information. Having the news on continually, or reading things on Facebook may feel like a way to manage anxiety, but is actually very triggering for your mind, requiring it to constantly process, analyse and manage difficult information. 

Try to limit how and when you access these spaces. Set boundaries around when and how you use social media and check-in. Help yourself by not allowing it to dictate your day, and avoid the temptation to keep checking.

4. Trauma 

Trauma comes in many forms, from the most obvious - traumatic, sudden or disturbing experiences but also through grief and loss. Sometimes experiences are traumatic because they challenge important foundations to our lives - anchor people, places or even beliefs that we build out life around. Particularly if change is sudden or unexpected, your mind literally needs to reformat and work out what this means. That additional work to process and understand what has happened and the implications creates extra demand and may make you feel very overwhelmed. 

Remember that trauma takes time to process. In the early stages, overwhelm may mean you need to take time out and rest, or withdraw to a safe space. Be kind to yourself. Limit who you see and what you do for a while until things settle. But remember even in the next stage of starting to figure out what this means and deal with what has happened, your mind will be working overtime. Make sure you create spaces to take time out and find release and relief from all the mental work.

Kate Middleton

What Causes Postnatal Depression – and How Can It Be Treated?

What is postnatal depression?

Postnatal depression is very common, affecting at least one in 10 women after they have had a baby. The main symptoms of postnatal depression are similar to clinical depression, including low mood, loss of enjoyment and problems with sleep and appetite. Many women with postnatal depression also experience feelings of severe anxiety about their baby or their ability as a mum and, in addition, they may feel very disconnected from their baby. These symptoms can be particularly hard for new mums as they feel that they ought to be incredibly happy at this time in their life.

Some women experience depression and anxiety symptoms during pregnancy: this is called antenatal depression. 

What causes postnatal depression?

Antenatal and postnatal depression can be caused by the dramatic hormonal changes during pregnancy and childbirth. Difficult life circumstances, such as bereavement or the breakdown of a relationship during pregnancy or the postnatal period, can also trigger depression. For most women, it’s likely that hormonal factors, genetic factors (if her own mother suffered from depression or mental illness) and the transition of having a new baby in the family all combine to trigger depression. Mums who have experienced trauma in their own childhoods are at particularly high risk of depression during or after pregnancy. It’s really important not to assume that they are simply ‘not coping’ with the transition to motherhood, as for most mums the triggers for depression are much more complex. 

Can postnatal depression be treated?

It can be difficult for women with postnatal depression to seek help, as they may feel very guilty or ashamed that they are ‘not coping’ with being a new mum. However, antenatal and postnatal depression rarely go away without specialist treatment from health professionals.

Many mums benefit from medication, including antidepressants. GPs can advise them which medications are safe to take during pregnancy and breastfeeding. It’s important to support mums who need to take medication, as for many women it can feel like a difficult decision.

Talking therapies are also very helpful, especially if they have experienced trauma or are going through difficult life events. 

What is postpartum psychosis?

Postpartum psychosis is a severe mental illness triggered by childbirth. It affects around 1-2 in 1000 mums, but those who have bipolar disorder are at much higher risk. Symptoms of postpartum psychosis usually begin in the first week after a baby is born, and can get worse very rapidly. Mums with postpartum psychosis may become very energetic, confused or paranoid. They often experience symptoms of psychosis, including hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that are not there) or delusions (believing things that are not real).

Postpartum psychosis is a psychiatric emergency and women affected will need to be treated (almost always with medication) in hospital – ideally in a specialist Mother & Baby Unit. 

What about faith?

Many mums feel that being a Christian should automatically make them a brilliant, happy mother. Suffering from postnatal mental illness can make women feel incredibly guilty, and it can be difficult for them to know that they are unconditionally loved. It can also be harder as a Christian to own up to suffering from postnatal or antenatal depression, or to deal with negative thoughts or feelings, including feeling guilty, helpless or hopeless. Many mums feel that they are a failure as a mother. The Bible and faith can offer encouragement, God’s love and the hope of a better future.

Women with postpartum psychosis often find that they have intensely ‘spiritual’ beliefs during their delusions which turn out not to be true – and during recovery this can really shake their faith, as they try to sort out what is real again in their beliefs. Some mums who didn’t have a faith before find that these ‘spiritual’ experiences lead them to explore faith.

Being part of a community like a local church is very helpful. Because of tiredness, the demands of a new baby and feelings of shame, postnatal illness can make it harder to attend services or meet up with friends. Churches can help by making sure everyone feels valued, no matter what they can give in return. Regular phone calls and sensitive spiritual support could really assist someone’s recovery. Don’t be afraid to offer to visit mums while they are in psychiatric hospital. Churches can also support them in getting to talking therapy appointments by offering childcare, and lifts if they don’t have a car. Practical support such as a home-cooked meal, or the offer of an hour to help with housework is also often invaluable.

Many women with antenatal or postnatal depression feel very lonely, and find it difficult to talk to other mums. Churches can help to minimise isolation and loneliness by making an extra effort to ensure that mums with depression are included in toddler groups and family-friendly social activities. Remember also to offer emotional and practical support to dads whose partners are affected by postnatal depression.

Will Van Der Hart: Understanding Panic Attacks

I didn't realise that my first panic attack was actually a panic attack until nearly 10 years later. I still remember it really clearly. I was on my gap year teaching in North Wales and it was my first real experience of being away from home. As an outwardly confident and mellow young person I had no context for understanding my panic attack as anything other than it being a serious heart attack. I woke up in my bed in the middle of the night, I could hardly breath and my heart was racing in my chest. It was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode. At the same time my skin was clammy and cold, beads of sweat ran down my face and a terrible, horrible dark fear gripped my mind.

I stumbled upstairs in the darkness, waking up another young teacher who was working in the same school. He took one look at me and went white himself, which made me feel even worse. Within a few moments we were off to the hospital, where to my amazement I was pretty much ignored. I couldn't understand why I wasn't on the bed being taped to machines and zapped with electrodes. Instead the doctor put an oxygen mask over my face and went away for fifteen minutes. When he returned from dealing with some less serious stabbing or heart attack he came back took off the mask and sent me home. The only explanation I was given was that I had panicked in my sleep.

Did you know that 10% of the population experience occasional panic attacks and an even larger number of adults in the UK will have experienced a panic attack at one time or another? (NHS)

It is also extremely common for the individual to head straight to the hospital during or following their first attack. No wonder my doctor looked so relaxed!

The thing I have realised about panic attacks is that there are a cocktail of psychological (mind) and physiological (bodily) responses. When you really understand them they loose some of their power, and you can even learn to stop or minimise them. The really frightening thing about having panic attacks is their unpredictability. Some of us move from the experience of having one or two panic attacks in a few years to something called Panic Disorder, where sufferers might have several attacks per day or night.
 

Common symptoms experienced during a panic attack are:

• dizziness or feeling faint

• palpitations or increased heart rate

• sweating, trembling or shaking

• difficulty breathing

• feeling of choking or nausea

• chest pain

• numbness or tingling sensations

• chills or hot flushes

• feelings of unreality and detachment

• fear of losing control

• fear of dying

• a sense of great danger and an urge to escape (NHS)

This is not an exhaustive list, so if you are experiencing other sensations don't be concerned that they aren't mentioned here. Panic attacks are actually a result of what is known as the fight or flight response. We really need this response in our lives; it is what makes us run from attackers or bears or other dangers. If we didn't have it we wouldn't last that long. But if you think about it, the response isn't intelligent it is instinctual, we don't stop to consider if a man's gun is loaded or just a toy, if it is pointed at us we are out of there. Panic attacks are just the "fight or flight" response kicking in when there is an inappropriate stimulus. Most commonly panic attacks are actually a result of frightening thoughts that trigger a stressed nervous system into panic. This panic then causes another flow of frightening thoughts like, "I am going mad", which in turn trigger more attacks. Now the intent of me writing here is not to be expressly medical (I leave that in Rob's safe hands). Instead it is to try and make sense of some of these things as a pastor, so please bear with me.

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When I was in my late twenties I experienced several panic attacks in one week. It was as if my previous ignorance to them had stopped me from worrying about them, but now I was conscious of what was happening and it really frightened me. The first thing I did was to go to the internet and read about them. This I realised later was a big mistake, there is a lot of helpful information on the net but there is also so much sensationalist rubbish. My trawl of the net left me extremely stressed, I thought that I was going to loose my mind and be stuck in some twilight world that was punctuated by horrible panic attacks. Needless to say the result of this exploration increased the number and frequency of the attacks.

If you are in that place right now, I really sympathise. I know it is horrible, but I also know that there is real hope, it is an experience that can be overcome. I have not had a panic attack for two years now, but even if I did, I know it would be alright! It's funny being a vicar because you are never sure how much of yourself you are supposed to express. I guess I'm maybe saying too much about myself, but I realise that when I was in the thick of it, all I wanted to know was that there were people who had been where I was, but weren't there anymore.

I don't know what is worse with panic attacks, the feeling of fear or the experience of the physical symptoms. Whichever you find hardest to cope with, you can be sure they are both there. If we fear the fear, we get the symptoms and if we fear the symptoms we get the fear. The bottom line is that fear is the result and the initiator of the symptoms.

Do you know the verse in the 1 John 4:8, "But perfect loves casts out fear." It is a lovely verse, but perhaps it appears a little idealistic when you are suffering from panic attacks. Well, have another think about this verse, it actually has a lot to say. The mistake that is often made about this verse is interpreting the concept of love with human undertones. The perfect love that God offers is a distant cousin of our notion of romantic love. The perfect love of God is a superlative love, it incorporates acceptance, justice, security, trust, sanctuary and peace. The fear that it replaces is that of the future, of the past and of the present. Panic attacks and particularly Panic Disorder, where people have a regular flow of attacks, are caused by stress and fear. In light of this there has never been a better time to press in to the perfect love of God.

Well, thats okay, but what does it mean in practice? It means practical confidence. This perfect love is active, it casts out, it isn't defensive or passive. Many of the people who have talked to me about struggling with panic attacks are living very defensively, trying to avoid another attack. This defensive behaviour means that they are scanning themselves continually for slight physiological changes that might indicate an attack is imminent. As a result they are feeding the fear that will ultimately maintain their condition. You might have heard it said that, the best form of defence is attack. This is definitely true for people struggling with regular panic attacks.

Having become very frightened of my own attacks, I was amazed when my friend who is a trained psychologist came over and suggested that we have a panic attack together! I couldn't believe that she could have a panic attack at will, and I certainly couldn't believe that I had any control over when or how these things could happen. We sat opposite each other and on her lead we hyperventilated for about five minutes before I experienced all the same physiological sensations that I had felt before, spinning head, sweating, dizziness, heart beating fast, etc. The self-induced attack reached a peak of intensity before declining as before.

Now obviously this experience wasn't quite as frightening as some of the spontaneous attacks I had had before. However, it did show me several key things that helped to diminish my fear. Firstly, I realised that I wasn't going mad, which was a relief. Secondly, I realised that whilst attacks were unpleasant, they were not actually detrimental to my health and were not causing any damage to my brain or heart. Thirdly, I realised that my unwitting hyperventilation when I got stressed or fearful was a major contributor to my attacks. If I could stop hyperventilating then I was deactivating the attack before it could happen (by stopping the over oxygenation of my brain that causes the symptoms). My friend told me that it was impossible to have a panic attack if I was completely relaxed. The final thing that I became confident of was that panic attacks had a beginning, middle and end, they could not continue of forever and a day. This was a great relief and reduced my fear massively.

I began to aggressively challenge my fear, by finding out every weakness in the panic attack enemy. I was searching for its failings and loopholes, anything that gave me an edge over it. Instead of slipping into defensiveness and fear I became resolute that I could move out of this. The perfect love of God was one weapon in my armoury that I knew could not be overcome, it was my security. Behind me I knew some absolutes that I would hold on to for security and peace. I knew that God would not abandon me, that he had won my eternal victory, that I was safe in his hands and that he had plans for my life that would not be thwarted by panic attacks. All this gave me huge confidence when fear came suddenly I realised that I was not alone but that perfect love could practically cast out my fear.

Combining my spiritual understanding of Jesus' presence with practical action I began to see a marked decline in my attacks. When an attack came I decided to aggressively relax. Sounds like an oxymoron? Well it isn't! Relaxation, I learnt, was like a weapon in an attack. I would let all my muscles go loose, soften my breathing and move it into diaphragmatic and steady rhythms. Instead of increasing my terror by willing it to end, I just embraced each attack in the knowledge that it would definitely end. Like a powerful switch this approach ended many attacks as soon as they started. The result of this success increased my confidence, further reduced my fear, and as a result reduced my attacks until the disappeared all together.

Just a little note of caution! I think that many of us exacerbate our problems when we solidify our attitudes into all or nothing categories. You might have noticed that in my introduction I said, "and if I had another attack, I would be alright." I realise that I am probably one of the 10% of people who get occasional panic attacks. If I make concrete decisions in my mind like, "I cannot live a happy or valuable life unless I never have another panic attack." I will live my life in the constant fear of another attack, which massively increases the likelihood of having more attacks, besides ruining my life. Some people who are trying to recover see every attack as a failure, then when they have an attack the feel terrible and believe that it's all going to go downhill.

Try not to live your life or your recovery like this. Embrace every attack as an opportunity to experiment on what stops them. Try to laugh at your attacks while they are happening, make them smaller and less serious than they are now. I know this sounds hard, but believe me it works! Life is a tough journey and for some of us panic attacks can be an additional hazard. Remember that you are a child of God, you are not the sum of your attacks, they do not represent any terrible weakness, or any sinful lack of faith. They are just there right now. It has been okay, it is okay and it will be okay. God is with you, in every moment.

Practical tips:

1) Do go to see your GP to discuss your attacks. Try and go armed with a log of how frequently they have occurred and explain their intensity and length.

2) Avoid reading tons of internet sites! some are just plain wrong. The ones on the Mind and Soul links page are all great and sound, so use them.

3) Don't be ashamed of them. They are common and most people will know what you mean.

4) Pray about them, invite God to lead you away from them. (Be cautious if people claim to have 'broken' them or 'freed' you from them! They are not usually spiritual, they are behavioural).

5) Aggressively relax when you feel the warning signs of an attack coming on.

6) Create lots of relaxation space in your life and engage in meditating on the Lord and his peace.

7) Don't stop doing anything you would normally do because of your attacks or begin to live defensively, instead fly in the face of them.

8) Try not to see attacks as 'setbacks' or 'failures'.

9) Remember that their frequency will decline as your system begins to regard them as insignificant. This will take time.

10) Your stress system is working correctly just not appropriately.

You are a child of God and never forget that he never forgets you.

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Will has been an Ordained Anglican Priest in London since 2004, he is also an accredited ICF coach who works both in secular business and church settings. His interest in emotional health is wide ranging, reflecting his broad experience in a variety of pastoral contexts. Will is an author and an integrative bible teacher who speaks at a number of national forums. He is a MHFA mental health first aider and is passionate about equipping church leaders to look after their own emotional health as well as empowering them to manage the emotional needs of the people in their care.

What is Bipolar?

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18

Within popular culture, bipolar disorder is often glamourised. We usually see it portrayed as a condition that is associated with creativity, energy and fun; the challenges associated with it are often overlooked.

Previously referred to as manic depression, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that is defined by the presence of depressive episodes and manic states. Mania occurs when there is a persistent elevation of the mood, usually for at least 7 consecutive days. Alongside this, there are other characteristic symptoms, including excessive spending, rapid speech, increased energy levels, a decreased need for sleep and grandiose thoughts.

Manic symptoms can also include delusional beliefs, which themselves may touch on religious themes. This does not mean that the presence of a strong faith is a sign of bipolar disorder, but rather that existing beliefs may become exaggerated, or there is a preoccupation around certain themes. In some instances, certain beliefs become deeply entrenched and resistant to any form of challenge. Understandably, this can be very invalidating for some Christians and requires a sensitive and empathic approach amongst family, friends and members of one's church community.

Whilst manic symptoms can seem to be harmless and people who are ‘high’ can be very pleasant and fun to be around, mania can cause people to take risks they would not normally take and engage in embarrassing behaviour.  Within a Christian context, it is important to contextualise any such behaviour and refrain from judgment. 

Core Symptoms

Much of the focus tends to be on manic states, but more time is typically spent in depression with this condition and the depressive episodes can be debilitating and dispiriting. The core symptoms are essentially the same ones that occur within a classic (unipolar) depressive episode e.g.the persistent suppression of one's mood, low energy levels, an inability to enjoy previously pleasurable activities, poor concentration and reduced appetite. It is typically within this context that people may experience thoughts that life is not worth living. The depressive episodes can last for weeks or months. 

Having mood swings does not constitute the presence of bipolar disorder. There is a specific pattern that occurs within bipolar disorder, best recognised by a suitably qualified mental health professional who can make the diagnosis, rather than Dr Google! 

Most mental health conditions can be thought as occurring in the context of biological, psychological and social factors. Bipolar disorder is strongly considered to be very much at the biological end of the spectrum and is known to occur more commonly in families in which there is already a person with an established diagnosis. This strongly indicates that genetic factors play a significant role in whether somebody experiences bipolar in their lifetime. It most commonly begins in mid-20s. Further episodes may be brought on by periods of significant stress or a lack of sleep.

The frequency with which episodes occur varies significantly from person to person. However, in most cases medication is required on a long-term basis to reduce the intensity and the frequency of episodes. In some cases, it is not possible to completely eliminate the presence of depressive or manic episodes, but to try and gain better control on the symptoms. 

As with any other chronic condition, these hard facts can be difficult to swallow, particularly in the realms of unanswered prayer and healing ministry.

The fluctuations from depression to mania and back again can leave people broken hearted, frustrated and questioning God. Bipolar disorder strikes at the heart of our theology concerning mental illness. 

Bipolar disorder is a condition that requires specialist assessment and treatment. If you are concerned that you or a loved one might be exhibiting symptoms of bipolar disorder, you should encourage them to contact their GP. Spiritual support can be of huge value and help to reduce the stigma associated with this condition, but must be regarded as a compliment rather than an alternative to medical intervention. 

Further information on bipolar disorder:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/about-bipolar-disorder/  
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/bipolar-disorder 
 

Chi-Chi Obuaya, 29/04/2022

Dr Chi-Chi Obuaya is a Consultant Psychiatrist working in the NHS and in independent practice, as well as a Mind & Soul Foundation Director