Holding Space Without Losing Yourself

Supporting someone who won’t talk about what they’re going through can be emotionally exhausting. You want to be there. You want to help. But over time, the silence can start to take its toll on you, leaving you feeling helpless, shut out, or even resentful.

So how do you support someone well without burning out? When do your needs matter too?
At Mercy UK, we believe in supporting people and the people who support them. Here’s what we’ve learned:

Your needs are valid too

It’s not selfish to acknowledge that the situation is affecting you. It’s honest. When someone you care about won’t open up, it can stir up all kinds of emotions: worry, frustration, grief, confusion. Don’t bury those feelings. They need space too.

Set emotional boundaries

Being present for someone doesn’t mean becoming their emotional sponge. It’s okay to say, “I’m here for you, but I also need time to care for my own wellbeing.” If you’re constantly feeling drained or overwhelmed, it’s a sign that something needs to shift.

Communicate with gentleness and clarity

You can speak honestly without placing blame.
Try:
“I care deeply about you, and I understand if you’re not ready to talk. But I’m finding the silence really hard, and I want to let you know how it’s affecting me.”
Being open about your experience creates space for healthy connection, not pressure.

Don’t confuse support with responsibility

You can walk with someone, but you can’t walk for them. Their healing is not your job to manage. Your role is to care, not to carry the weight of their choices or healing process.

Make space for your own support

Find someone you trust to talk to: a friend, a counsellor, a faith leader. You don’t have to keep everything in. Having a space to process what you’re experiencing will help you stay grounded and compassionate in the long run.

Supporting someone in silence is sacred work, but so is honouring your own limits. By setting healthy limits, you can stay close and still have your own space, and you can walk with someone through their silence without losing your sense of self along the way.