Will Van Der Hart: Understanding Panic Attacks

I didn't realise that my first panic attack was actually a panic attack until nearly 10 years later. I still remember it really clearly. I was on my gap year teaching in North Wales and it was my first real experience of being away from home. As an outwardly confident and mellow young person I had no context for understanding my panic attack as anything other than it being a serious heart attack. I woke up in my bed in the middle of the night, I could hardly breath and my heart was racing in my chest. It was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode. At the same time my skin was clammy and cold, beads of sweat ran down my face and a terrible, horrible dark fear gripped my mind.

I stumbled upstairs in the darkness, waking up another young teacher who was working in the same school. He took one look at me and went white himself, which made me feel even worse. Within a few moments we were off to the hospital, where to my amazement I was pretty much ignored. I couldn't understand why I wasn't on the bed being taped to machines and zapped with electrodes. Instead the doctor put an oxygen mask over my face and went away for fifteen minutes. When he returned from dealing with some less serious stabbing or heart attack he came back took off the mask and sent me home. The only explanation I was given was that I had panicked in my sleep.

Did you know that 10% of the population experience occasional panic attacks and an even larger number of adults in the UK will have experienced a panic attack at one time or another? (NHS)

It is also extremely common for the individual to head straight to the hospital during or following their first attack. No wonder my doctor looked so relaxed!

The thing I have realised about panic attacks is that there are a cocktail of psychological (mind) and physiological (bodily) responses. When you really understand them they loose some of their power, and you can even learn to stop or minimise them. The really frightening thing about having panic attacks is their unpredictability. Some of us move from the experience of having one or two panic attacks in a few years to something called Panic Disorder, where sufferers might have several attacks per day or night.
 

Common symptoms experienced during a panic attack are:

• dizziness or feeling faint

• palpitations or increased heart rate

• sweating, trembling or shaking

• difficulty breathing

• feeling of choking or nausea

• chest pain

• numbness or tingling sensations

• chills or hot flushes

• feelings of unreality and detachment

• fear of losing control

• fear of dying

• a sense of great danger and an urge to escape (NHS)

This is not an exhaustive list, so if you are experiencing other sensations don't be concerned that they aren't mentioned here. Panic attacks are actually a result of what is known as the fight or flight response. We really need this response in our lives; it is what makes us run from attackers or bears or other dangers. If we didn't have it we wouldn't last that long. But if you think about it, the response isn't intelligent it is instinctual, we don't stop to consider if a man's gun is loaded or just a toy, if it is pointed at us we are out of there. Panic attacks are just the "fight or flight" response kicking in when there is an inappropriate stimulus. Most commonly panic attacks are actually a result of frightening thoughts that trigger a stressed nervous system into panic. This panic then causes another flow of frightening thoughts like, "I am going mad", which in turn trigger more attacks. Now the intent of me writing here is not to be expressly medical (I leave that in Rob's safe hands). Instead it is to try and make sense of some of these things as a pastor, so please bear with me.

More Content

When I was in my late twenties I experienced several panic attacks in one week. It was as if my previous ignorance to them had stopped me from worrying about them, but now I was conscious of what was happening and it really frightened me. The first thing I did was to go to the internet and read about them. This I realised later was a big mistake, there is a lot of helpful information on the net but there is also so much sensationalist rubbish. My trawl of the net left me extremely stressed, I thought that I was going to loose my mind and be stuck in some twilight world that was punctuated by horrible panic attacks. Needless to say the result of this exploration increased the number and frequency of the attacks.

If you are in that place right now, I really sympathise. I know it is horrible, but I also know that there is real hope, it is an experience that can be overcome. I have not had a panic attack for two years now, but even if I did, I know it would be alright! It's funny being a vicar because you are never sure how much of yourself you are supposed to express. I guess I'm maybe saying too much about myself, but I realise that when I was in the thick of it, all I wanted to know was that there were people who had been where I was, but weren't there anymore.

I don't know what is worse with panic attacks, the feeling of fear or the experience of the physical symptoms. Whichever you find hardest to cope with, you can be sure they are both there. If we fear the fear, we get the symptoms and if we fear the symptoms we get the fear. The bottom line is that fear is the result and the initiator of the symptoms.

Do you know the verse in the 1 John 4:8, "But perfect loves casts out fear." It is a lovely verse, but perhaps it appears a little idealistic when you are suffering from panic attacks. Well, have another think about this verse, it actually has a lot to say. The mistake that is often made about this verse is interpreting the concept of love with human undertones. The perfect love that God offers is a distant cousin of our notion of romantic love. The perfect love of God is a superlative love, it incorporates acceptance, justice, security, trust, sanctuary and peace. The fear that it replaces is that of the future, of the past and of the present. Panic attacks and particularly Panic Disorder, where people have a regular flow of attacks, are caused by stress and fear. In light of this there has never been a better time to press in to the perfect love of God.

Well, thats okay, but what does it mean in practice? It means practical confidence. This perfect love is active, it casts out, it isn't defensive or passive. Many of the people who have talked to me about struggling with panic attacks are living very defensively, trying to avoid another attack. This defensive behaviour means that they are scanning themselves continually for slight physiological changes that might indicate an attack is imminent. As a result they are feeding the fear that will ultimately maintain their condition. You might have heard it said that, the best form of defence is attack. This is definitely true for people struggling with regular panic attacks.

Having become very frightened of my own attacks, I was amazed when my friend who is a trained psychologist came over and suggested that we have a panic attack together! I couldn't believe that she could have a panic attack at will, and I certainly couldn't believe that I had any control over when or how these things could happen. We sat opposite each other and on her lead we hyperventilated for about five minutes before I experienced all the same physiological sensations that I had felt before, spinning head, sweating, dizziness, heart beating fast, etc. The self-induced attack reached a peak of intensity before declining as before.

Now obviously this experience wasn't quite as frightening as some of the spontaneous attacks I had had before. However, it did show me several key things that helped to diminish my fear. Firstly, I realised that I wasn't going mad, which was a relief. Secondly, I realised that whilst attacks were unpleasant, they were not actually detrimental to my health and were not causing any damage to my brain or heart. Thirdly, I realised that my unwitting hyperventilation when I got stressed or fearful was a major contributor to my attacks. If I could stop hyperventilating then I was deactivating the attack before it could happen (by stopping the over oxygenation of my brain that causes the symptoms). My friend told me that it was impossible to have a panic attack if I was completely relaxed. The final thing that I became confident of was that panic attacks had a beginning, middle and end, they could not continue of forever and a day. This was a great relief and reduced my fear massively.

I began to aggressively challenge my fear, by finding out every weakness in the panic attack enemy. I was searching for its failings and loopholes, anything that gave me an edge over it. Instead of slipping into defensiveness and fear I became resolute that I could move out of this. The perfect love of God was one weapon in my armoury that I knew could not be overcome, it was my security. Behind me I knew some absolutes that I would hold on to for security and peace. I knew that God would not abandon me, that he had won my eternal victory, that I was safe in his hands and that he had plans for my life that would not be thwarted by panic attacks. All this gave me huge confidence when fear came suddenly I realised that I was not alone but that perfect love could practically cast out my fear.

Combining my spiritual understanding of Jesus' presence with practical action I began to see a marked decline in my attacks. When an attack came I decided to aggressively relax. Sounds like an oxymoron? Well it isn't! Relaxation, I learnt, was like a weapon in an attack. I would let all my muscles go loose, soften my breathing and move it into diaphragmatic and steady rhythms. Instead of increasing my terror by willing it to end, I just embraced each attack in the knowledge that it would definitely end. Like a powerful switch this approach ended many attacks as soon as they started. The result of this success increased my confidence, further reduced my fear, and as a result reduced my attacks until the disappeared all together.

Just a little note of caution! I think that many of us exacerbate our problems when we solidify our attitudes into all or nothing categories. You might have noticed that in my introduction I said, "and if I had another attack, I would be alright." I realise that I am probably one of the 10% of people who get occasional panic attacks. If I make concrete decisions in my mind like, "I cannot live a happy or valuable life unless I never have another panic attack." I will live my life in the constant fear of another attack, which massively increases the likelihood of having more attacks, besides ruining my life. Some people who are trying to recover see every attack as a failure, then when they have an attack the feel terrible and believe that it's all going to go downhill.

Try not to live your life or your recovery like this. Embrace every attack as an opportunity to experiment on what stops them. Try to laugh at your attacks while they are happening, make them smaller and less serious than they are now. I know this sounds hard, but believe me it works! Life is a tough journey and for some of us panic attacks can be an additional hazard. Remember that you are a child of God, you are not the sum of your attacks, they do not represent any terrible weakness, or any sinful lack of faith. They are just there right now. It has been okay, it is okay and it will be okay. God is with you, in every moment.

Practical tips:

1) Do go to see your GP to discuss your attacks. Try and go armed with a log of how frequently they have occurred and explain their intensity and length.

2) Avoid reading tons of internet sites! some are just plain wrong. The ones on the Mind and Soul links page are all great and sound, so use them.

3) Don't be ashamed of them. They are common and most people will know what you mean.

4) Pray about them, invite God to lead you away from them. (Be cautious if people claim to have 'broken' them or 'freed' you from them! They are not usually spiritual, they are behavioural).

5) Aggressively relax when you feel the warning signs of an attack coming on.

6) Create lots of relaxation space in your life and engage in meditating on the Lord and his peace.

7) Don't stop doing anything you would normally do because of your attacks or begin to live defensively, instead fly in the face of them.

8) Try not to see attacks as 'setbacks' or 'failures'.

9) Remember that their frequency will decline as your system begins to regard them as insignificant. This will take time.

10) Your stress system is working correctly just not appropriately.

You are a child of God and never forget that he never forgets you.

---

Will has been an Ordained Anglican Priest in London since 2004, he is also an accredited ICF coach who works both in secular business and church settings. His interest in emotional health is wide ranging, reflecting his broad experience in a variety of pastoral contexts. Will is an author and an integrative bible teacher who speaks at a number of national forums. He is a MHFA mental health first aider and is passionate about equipping church leaders to look after their own emotional health as well as empowering them to manage the emotional needs of the people in their care.

Embracing Neurodiversity

Embracing Neurodiversity 

The concept of neurodiversity is increasingly gaining recognition and importance across different sectors of society, including education, workplaces, and communities. However, discussions about neurodiversity within the Church are still seemingly in the early stages. Speaking about this topic at a recent church conference, where I shared the stage with someone with lived experience of several neurodiverse conditions, I was struck by the strong and novel sense of validation various members of the audience, a number of whom spoke of their own lived experience, felt just from the fact that it was being discussed. 

This article explores the distinct contributions and challenges encountered by individuals with diverse neurological profiles – such as autism, developmental co-ordination disorder (DCD) and dyslexia – within Church settings. It also seeks to make the case for embracing neurodiversity in order to cultivate more inclusive, compassionate, and spiritually enriching environments, where every member of the congregation is valued and supported in their faith journey.
 

What does this term ‘neurodiversity’ mean?

Neurodiversity is an umbrella term to identify people whose brains work differently than most others – the so-called ‘neurotypicals’, resulting in different strengths and challenges.  These can manifest in conditions such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and DCD, amongst others.

Rather than viewing these differences as mental illness or disorders that need to be "fixed," the neurodiversity perspective views them as part of the normal variation in human brains and minds. This approach promotes greater inclusion and equity when we consider the differences in how our brains are wired. 

Here are some examples of how neurodiversity may present:

Ruth, a 4-year-old girl, is brought to her doctor because her parents are concerned that she has not started talking yet and seems uninterested in playing with other children. She prefers to line up her toys in a specific order, rather than engaging in imaginative play. In nursery, she often becomes upset by changes in routine and avoids eye contact with her teachers and peers. The doctor observes that she exhibits repetitive hand-flapping and repeats phrases she hears,  rather than engaging in spontaneous speech.

This is an example of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), which is characterised by difficulties in social interaction, communication, and the presence of restricted, repetitive behaviours or interests. 

•    Social communication challenges: individuals with ASD often have difficulties with verbal and nonverbal communication, understanding and interpreting social cues, and forming and maintaining relationships. 

•    Repetitive behaviours: This can include repetitive movements (e.g., hand-flapping, rocking), insistence on sameness or routines, and intense focus on specific interests or activities. 

•    Sensory sensitivities: Many people with ASD are highly sensitive to sensory inputs such as sounds, lights, textures, or smells, which can lead to either hyper- or hypo-reactivity to sensory stimuli.

The term "spectrum" reflects the wide variation in challenges and strengths possessed by each person with autism.

Matthew, a 9-year-old boy, has been struggling with reading since his first year of school. Despite extra help from his teacher and parents, he reads slowly, often mixing up letters like "b" and "d" and struggling to decode new words. In class, he tries to avoid reading out loud and frequently guesses words rather than sounding them out. His difficulty with reading is beginning to affect his performance in other subjects, such as maths, where word problems pose a significant challenge. Despite these difficulties, he is articulate and shows a strong understanding of concepts when they are presented verbally.

Dyslexia is a specific learning disorder that primarily affects reading and related language-based processing skills, as described in Matthew’s case. Individuals with dyslexia often struggle with accurate and/or fluent word recognition i.e. relating sounds to letters/words. Spelling and decoding can be challenging, despite normal intelligence and adequate instruction. People with dyslexia thus appear to be bright orally but find it hard to get information down accurately on paper. 

Mary, an 8-year-old girl, has always struggled with tasks that require motor coordination. In school, she finds it difficult to write legibly, often holding the pencil awkwardly and tiring quickly. Her parents and teachers notice that she frequently trips or bumps into objects and has trouble catching a ball during recess. Despite her enthusiasm, she becomes frustrated during art class because her drawings do not match what she envisions. While she is academically bright, her difficulty with motor tasks affects her confidence and participation in physical activities.

Mary’s challenges are indicative of Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD or Dyspraxia), more commonly referred to as dyspraxia, is a motor skills disorder that affects a person’s ability to perform coordinated, everyday physical tasks. Children with DCD often have difficulty with activities like writing, dressing, and sports, which require fine and gross motor coordination.

What causes these conditions?

Neurodiverse conditions are thought to arise from a combination of genetic, biological and environmental factors. 

1. Genetic Factors: Variations or mutations in certain genes (but no one specific gene) can influence brain development and function.  These genetic factors can be inherited from parents or occur spontaneously.

2. Biological Factors: Differences in brain structure and function have been identified between neurotypical and neurodiverse conditions. For example, research has shown that individuals with autism may have differences in brain connectivity, while those with dyslexia might have variations in areas of the brain responsible for processing language.

3. Environmental Factors: Environmental influences, particularly during prenatal development (i.e. in the womb), can also play a role. Factors such as poor maternal health, infections during pregnancy and complications at birth may contribute to the development of neurodiverse conditions. However, these factors often interact with genetic predispositions rather than acting as sole causes.

It's important to note that the causes of neurodiverse conditions are not fully understood and are likely to involve multiple contributing factors rather than a single cause.

What impact does neurodiversity have on Christian faith for those with these conditions?

Neurodiversity can have a profound impact on the Christian faith experience for individuals with neurodiverse conditions, both positively and in more challenging ways:

1. Unique spiritual perspectives and approaches: Neurodiverse individuals often bring unique insights and perspectives to their faith and Church communities. For instance, someone with autism might adopt a highly analytical or detailed approach to their reading of Scripture, finding deep meaning in specific words, phrases or patterns. Others might find comfort in repetitive prayers or rituals that provide structure and predictability. Someone with ADHD might prefer more active or varied forms of worship, such as walking meditation or creative arts, rather than prolonged periods of silent prayer. 

2. Challenges in communal worship: Traditional church services and activities can sometimes pose challenges for neurodiverse individuals. For example, those with sensory hypersensitivity (e.g. to sound, light or touch, associated with autism or ADHD) might find loud music, bright lights, or crowded spaces unsettling. Similarly, long periods of stillness or structured activities might be difficult for those with poor attention or motor coordination issues. 

3. Community and inclusion: Feeling accepted and included in the faith community is crucial for spiritual growth. Neurodiverse individuals might experience challenges in social interactions, making it difficult to connect with others in the church. These challenges may lead to feelings of alienation or frustration. Some neurodiverse individuals may also grapple with questions about their identity and place within God's creation, seeking assurance that they are valued and loved as they are.

4. Theological reflection and understanding: Neurodiversity can influence how individuals understand and relate to theological concepts. For instance, abstract concepts like grace or the Holy Trinity might be difficult for someone with a concrete thinking style, while others might find deep meaning in the stories of Jesus' interactions with marginalized individuals. 

In summary, neurodiversity can shape the Christian faith experience in various ways, offering both unique challenges and enriching perspectives. When churches acknowledge and support neurodiverse individuals, they not only enhance these individuals' spiritual lives but also enrich the entire faith community by embracing the full spectrum of God's creation.

How can we best support neurodiverse Christians?

1. Fostering a more inclusive environment

Awareness: Church leaders and neurodiverse congregants may educate the congregation about neurodiversity to reduce stigma and increase understanding, either during specific neurodiverse awareness days/weeks (such as World Autism Acceptance Week) or at any time of the year. This could involve workshops, sermons, or small group discussions focused on neurodiverse conditions. 

Cultivating a culture of acceptance: Differences can be explicitly respected and celebrated, with encouragement for all members to adopt an attitude of patience, understanding, and accommodation of diverse needs. For example, some neurodiverse people may prefer to stand or move around during services, or use noise-cancelling headphones to manage sensory input.

2. Adapting Church services and activities

Sensory-friendly services: Worship may be made more sensory-friendly by offering lower lighting, softer music, and/or designated quiet spaces (with comfortable seating and minimal sensory stimuli), where people can retreat if they feel overwhelmed. Being willing to adapt and evolve church practices based on the needs and suggestions of neurodiverse members, demonstrates a commitment to their well-being.

Physical accessibility: There is a need to ensure that all areas of the church are accessible to those with physical disabilities, which often co-occur with neurodiverse conditions. This includes ramps, seating arrangements, and accessible restrooms.

Supporting spiritual growth: Some neurodiverse people would benefit from having access to information ahead of the weekend service about the Bible verses that will be covered, as they may find it challenging to follow the sermon without prior preparation. Additionally, if the sermon notes available afterwards, this allow people to review and digest the content, especially if they lost focus during the service. Providing materials in multiple formats (e.g., written, visual, auditory) caters to different learning styles.

3. Engagement and inclusion in ministry

Identify and utilise strengths: Neurodiverse individuals should be explicitly encouraged to use their strengths and gifts in ministry roles. This might include tech support, creative arts, or being on the welcome team, or someone with a passion for detail might excel in a roles that involves organising or maintaining records.

Open communication: Opportunities can be created for neurodiverse individuals and their families to provide feedback on church programmes and services. 

Mentorship: Implementing mentorship or buddy systems where neurodiverse individuals are paired with supportive peers can help them navigate social situations more easily and feel more connected to the community.

By implementing these strategies, churches can create a supportive and nurturing environment where neurodiverse Christians feel valued, understood, and able to fully participate in the life of the Church. This not only benefits the individuals but also enriches the entire faith community.

Where can I get more information?
https://www.autism.org.uk/  
https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexia/neurodiversity-and-co-occurring-differences/dyspraxia 
 
Chi-Chi Obuaya - Dr Chi-Chi Obuaya is a Consultant Psychiatrist working in an NHS ADHD service and in independent practice, as well as a Mind & Soul Foundation Director.

Faith & the Power of Pause

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

 "I know I need to rest, but I just can’t seem to stop. Even when I try to take time, I feel guilty or restless. Why does it feel so hard to switch off?”

Talking Point 

We live in a world that glorifies hustle, where productivity is mistaken for worth. Even in Christian circles, we can fall into the trap of thinking our output defines our obedience. But Scripture tells a different story.

In the creation narrative, God didn’t wait until everything was finished to rest—He paused in the middle of the work. Each day, He created, then paused. “And there was evening, and there was morning…” This divine rhythm teaches us to value reflection over perfection and to see rest not as weakness, but as wisdom.

And yet… many of us struggle with internal beliefs that resist rest. Thoughts like: “I’m too busy to stop,” or “Rest is laziness,” or “If I slow down, I’ll fall behind.” These beliefs aren’t just cultural—they’re deeply ingrained, often unconsciously. But left unchecked, they lead to burnout, anxiety, and disconnection from God and ourselves.

God’s rhythm invites something better. He didn’t just rest after creation—He paused within it. Rest isn’t about checking out. It’s about checking in—with ourselves, with God, and with the deeper rhythms that lead to wholeness.

Truth to Ponder

If rest and pause feel elusive right now, here are some ways to bring them into reach—practically, psychologically, and spiritually:

PAUSES: The commas of your day

• Breathe deeply. Intentional breath slows your stress response. Inhale for 4, hold, exhale for 10. Do this anywhere – in your car, in the shower, between meetings.

• Unplug intentionally. Be smarter than your smart device. Use “Do Not Disturb” mode after a set time in the evening and guard moments of quiet like treasure.

• Redefine rest. Make space for activities that are truly restorative – for instance, if you like reading, don’t read work related books (3 ways to be a better leader, 5 tips to be more effective etc!) and count it as rest.

• Inject joy. Do more of what brings delight—whether it’s tinkering, having a hot bubble bath, chatting, or sitting still with a cuppa.

• Don’t neglect the basics. Nutritious food, decent sleep, and exercise aren’t luxuries—they’re vital pause points for body and mind.
   

REST: The full stops of your week

• Rest your thoughts. Challenge yourself to sit and be present for 3 minutes a day. No planning. No reflecting. No mental to do lists. Just. Be. Still.

• Rest your pace. Walk slower. Drive slower. Pack less in. Stop replacing work with a hyperactive version of ‘rest.’

• Rest your soul. Let go of guilt. Stop ‘should-ing’ yourself. Follow what brings joy, connection, and peace.

---

You were made in God’s image. And He chose to rest—not because He was tired, but because rest is sacred. It honours our limits, our need for rhythm, and our call to live not just effectively—but faithfully.

So this week, take one pause. Then take one rest. And watch what shifts in you.

---

Love your neighbour... as yourself

Your fortnightly 1-2-3: Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

 "I’m great at being there for everyone else—but when it comes to me, I feel drained, critical, or just…disconnected. Is it selfish to focus on myself?”

Talking Point 

We were created for connection—deep, meaningful relationships that enrich our lives and ground us in love. But there’s one relationship that often gets overlooked: the one you have with you.

Loving others well begins with learning to love yourself well. Not in a self-centred or egotistic way, but in the way you would treat someone you love—with kindness, patience, grace, and care. If you’re going to spend every minute of every day with someone… wouldn’t it be wise to make peace with them?

Being a good friend to yourself starts with:

• Knowing yourself – your likes, dislikes, values, and strengths. Personality tools like 16personalities.com can offer helpful insight.

• Speaking kindly to yourself – check your self-talk. Would you say that to someone you love?

• Enjoying your own company – pursue hobbies, explore joy, make time for what lights you up.

• Caring for yourself like you would a friend – rest, nourish, move, recover. You matter too.

This is not indulgence—it’s wisdom. Even Jesus said, “Love your neighbour as yourself.” That command assumes you know how to love you. When you constantly give without receiving—even from yourself—you run dry. But when you nurture a healthy inner life, you give from a place of fullness, not depletion.

Truth to Ponder

The greatest gift you can give those around you is a healthy you. Ask yourself:

• Am I treating myself like someone I’m called to love?

• Would I want my children or friends to treat themselves the way I treat myself?

• Do I need to pause, replenish, and reconnect with who I really am?

At Mercy UK, we believe that wholeness flows from a strong relationship with God, with yourself, and with others. That’s why we created Keys to Freedom —a powerful discipleship resource designed to help you discover how to live in truth, freedom, and healthy connection.

Because when you flourish, everyone around you benefits too.

Faith & Passion

Does your passion feel quiet? Don’t panic. This may be a holy pause, not a problem to fix.

Your fortnightly 1-2-3: Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

 "I used to feel driven by passion and purpose, but lately... I just feel drained. Is there something wrong with me, or is this part of the journey?”

Talking Point 

Think of passion as a wild stallion, like the one in the header image. Passion will lend you his speed, jump you over obstacles, elevate your perspective and help you rally others around your cause. But like any stallion, Passion needs reins to ride it safely. Without reins, he will trample over flowers you’re meant to protect, race past landscape you’re supposed to enjoy and land you way off course before you even know it. Without reins (or without reign!) Passion will eventually drain you.

Yet, passion is a gift from God. It helps us move forward, gives us energy for our purpose, and fuels deep joy in serving. But it was never meant to be our master. Passion isn’t always about doing more. It’s not about galloping into every storm or pushing harder when your soul is tired. It’s about knowing what matters—and letting that truth lead.

Passion needs tending. Jesus lived with deep, unwavering passion. But even He retreated often to quiet places to pray, to rest, and to reconnect with the Father. Passion doesn’t thrive on pressure—it grows through presence.

If your passion feels dim right now, that doesn’t mean it’s gone. It may simply be resting, waiting, or healing. And that’s okay. Passion isn’t just for mountaintops—it’s for the valleys too. In fact, some of the deepest, most lasting callings are forged not in noise and fire, but in silence and surrender.

Truth to Ponder

When your passion feels quiet, don’t panic. This may be a holy pause, not a problem to fix. Here's how to make peace with the season you're in:

• Name your need. Is it rest? Renewal? Clarity? God isn’t asking you to fake energy you don’t have. He meets you with kindness.

• Let go of pressure. Passion isn’t about performance—it’s about alignment. Let yourself breathe.

• Stay near the Source. Draw close to the One who kindled your passion in the first place. Sometimes the flame returns in a whisper.

• Pay attention to small sparks. A conversation, a scripture, a quiet stirring—God often rekindles the fire gently.

• Trust the process. Seasons of stillness can deepen the roots of your calling more than constant motion ever could.
   

Want to go a bit deeper on this subject?

Talk some time to reflect on this passage and consider what God might be trying to say to you:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)

Demystifying OCD

“Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” - 1 Peter 5:7

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a type of anxiety disorder that affects one in every 50 people. It is common to hear people refer to themselves as “OCD” or obsessive, but these terms are frequently misused and misunderstood. There are two main types of symptoms in OCD: obsessions and compulsions.
 

Obsessions

Obsessions are unwelcome and intrusive thoughts, images, urges, worries or doubts.  They occur in a repetitive fashion and are experienced as distressing; there is often a fear of losing control completely. Examples include an irrational fear of contamination or distress caused by items not being kept in an orderly fashion.

Obsessions should not be confused with instances in which people insist that they are ‘obsessional’, which commonly refers to a preoccupation with certain themes that they tend to ruminate on. Although distressing, it is not the same.  Similarly, being tidy or paying extra attention to hygiene does not mean that you have OCD.
 

Compulsions

Compulsions are behaviours that people undertake to reduce the distress caused by the obsessions. Examples include repetitive hand-washing, checking doors are locked and counting to a specific number or engaging in other rituals to prevent something bad from happening. So-called ‘compulsive’ gambling or eating is not a true compulsion as defined here.

People diagnosed with OCD may have just obsessions, only compulsions or both sets of symptoms. OCD can have a significant impact on a person’s day-to-day activities and in some cases the quality of their relationships e.g. someone who compulsively checks the front door may spend many minutes leaving their house. The embarrassment and distress caused by the symptoms may result in some people becoming socially withdrawn.

For Christians and non-Christians alike, obsessional thinking can cause significant self-doubt. The nature of obsessions, such as the belief that one may harm other people or thoughts that appear to have a blasphemous theme, can cause some Christians to question the strength of their faith. There can be a lot of guilt and shame about the symptoms they experience and some people may form the belief that they are experiencing OCD owing to some unresolved sin.

What causes OCD and how do I know if I have it?

There is no single known cause of OCD. It does occur more commonly in some families, where an existing family member already has this diagnosis. Some research suggests that people with certain personality traits, such as a tendency towards being methodical and with very high standards, may be more likely to develop OCD. 

There may also be links to trauma and in clinical practice it is common to see OCD appearing in new or expectant parents, for reasons that remain unclear. It is important to emphasise that the obsessional beliefs and compulsive behaviours do not indicate the presence of any character flaws, but are random and irrational manifestations of this condition.

Anyone concerned that they or someone they know may have a OCD should seek support from their GP in the first instance. They may be referred on to specialist mental health services, where a further assessment can take place.

Treatment for OCD

The mainstay of treatment is psychological therapy, in the form of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a behavioural therapy that gently exposes people to anxiety-provoking situations under the guidance of a trained therapist.

People with OCD may also benefit from taking antidepressant medication: the neurotransmitter serotonin (a chemical messenger in the brain) appears to be implicated in the onset of several anxiety disorders, including OCD.  A number of antidepressants act on this pathway and thus relieve the OCD symptoms.

If in doubt, talk to your GP and if your symptoms are limiting your life, seek out professional help and advice rather than worrying and trying to diagnose yourself.

Further Reading:

Royal College of Psychiatrists:
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/obsessive-compulsive-disorder

Mind:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/about-ocd/
 

Chi-Chi Obuaya, 30/08/2021

How do I help a family member who is emotionally shut down?

The Silent Struggle: Supporting Those Who Won’t Open Up

It’s one of the hardest places to be, watching someone you care about struggling, knowing something’s not right, but feeling shut out. They’re distant, withdrawn, or unusually quiet. You sense they’re carrying something heavy, but no matter how gently you ask, they won’t open up.

If you’re in this position, you’re not alone. At Mercy UK, we often meet people whose pain is hidden behind silence, and just as often, we hear from the loved ones trying to support them.

So what can you do when someone you care about won’t talk?

Your presence matters more than your words

It’s natural to want to help by saying the right thing or offering solutions. But sometimes, the most powerful thing you can offer is simply being there. It’s often this consistent, quiet presence that builds the safety they need to eventually open up. You don’t need to fix it, just sit with them in the silence.

Resist the urge to push

Even with the best intentions, repeated questions like “What’s wrong?” or “Why won’t you talk to me?” can feel overwhelming. Instead, let them know you're here when they’re ready. That reassurance, with no pressure, often speaks louder than words.

Understand that silence isn’t rejection

It’s easy to take it personally when someone shuts you out, but often their silence isn’t about you. It might be about shame, fear, or past hurt. Try to interpret their distance as protection, not punishment.

Stay consistent

Trauma and emotional pain often tell people that others won’t stay, that they’re too much or not enough. Being consistently kind, available, and patient helps challenge that lie over time.

Make space for small steps

If they don’t want to talk, perhaps they’ll join you for a walk, a film night, or just a cup of tea. Connection doesn’t always start with conversation. Sometimes it begins with shared moments, not shared words.

Loving someone who won’t open up can feel powerless. But your love is not wasted. Your presence is not unnoticed. And your patience may be the very thing that helps them feel safe enough to begin their healing journey.

At Mercy UK, we believe that silence isn’t the absence of healing. It’s often the starting point.

---

Are YOU Struggling to open up?

How do you help someone who is struggling without risking my own mental health?

Holding Space Without Losing Yourself

Supporting someone who won’t talk about what they’re going through can be emotionally exhausting. You want to be there. You want to help. But over time, the silence can start to take its toll on you, leaving you feeling helpless, shut out, or even resentful.

So how do you support someone well without burning out? When do your needs matter too?
At Mercy UK, we believe in supporting people and the people who support them. Here’s what we’ve learned:

Your needs are valid too

It’s not selfish to acknowledge that the situation is affecting you. It’s honest. When someone you care about won’t open up, it can stir up all kinds of emotions: worry, frustration, grief, confusion. Don’t bury those feelings. They need space too.

Set emotional boundaries

Being present for someone doesn’t mean becoming their emotional sponge. It’s okay to say, “I’m here for you, but I also need time to care for my own wellbeing.” If you’re constantly feeling drained or overwhelmed, it’s a sign that something needs to shift.

Communicate with gentleness and clarity

You can speak honestly without placing blame.
Try:
“I care deeply about you, and I understand if you’re not ready to talk. But I’m finding the silence really hard, and I want to let you know how it’s affecting me.”
Being open about your experience creates space for healthy connection, not pressure.

Don’t confuse support with responsibility

You can walk with someone, but you can’t walk for them. Their healing is not your job to manage. Your role is to care, not to carry the weight of their choices or healing process.

Make space for your own support

Find someone you trust to talk to: a friend, a counsellor, a faith leader. You don’t have to keep everything in. Having a space to process what you’re experiencing will help you stay grounded and compassionate in the long run.

Supporting someone in silence is sacred work, but so is honouring your own limits. By setting healthy limits, you can stay close and still have your own space, and you can walk with someone through their silence without losing your sense of self along the way.

A Shift in Culture, A Commitment to Change

In recent years, conversations around spiritual abuse, coercive control, and unhealthy power dynamics have become more open and our collective understanding (and experiences) of trauma, spiritual health, and safe practice within a faith context is changing — for the better.

At Mercy UK, along with many others, we welcome this change. We recognise that for many people, particularly those who’ve experienced coercion, trauma, or spiritual harm, safety is not just about physical protection — it’s about creating an environment where they are free to be heard, respected, and never pressured or dismissed.

This change is not a threat to the Church or to faith, but is a chance to grow. For over 20 years, we’ve walked alongside people facing deep emotional and spiritual pain. And while we’ve not always got everything right, we’ve always been willing to put it right - to listen, to learn, and to change.

A Commitment to Spiritual and Psychological Safety

The shift in culture towards spiritual and psychological safety has come about through a combination of factors: the courage of survivors and observers who have found their voice, a growing professional and public awareness of trauma, and significant legal and policy developments that now explicitly recognise psychological and spiritual harm.

Changes to UK safeguarding legislation, guidance from the Charity Commission, the introduction of statutory duties relating to coercive control, and clearer expectations for ethical practice across both faith-based and secular organisations have all helped shape a space within the context of our faith, where safety and autonomy are non-negotiable.

Just like opening the doors and windows in our own homes to let the fresh air in, this external shift must be invited in through intentional practice. Over the years at Mercy UK, we’ve developed forums and processes for honest feedback, we conduct regular internal audits, and welcome external scrutiny, advice, and consultation. These mechanisms have helped us to continually improve our safeguarding standards and create a space where individuals feel safe to explore the big questions around faith and lived experiences.

Creating truly safe spaces - both spiritually and psychologically - has become central to how we work. It shapes our programmes, our policies, and our posture. And today, we want to share how we’re continuing to put this commitment into practice.

How to Shift Culture Through Intentional Practice

We’ve found that creating spiritually and psychologically safe spaces doesn’t happen by accident - it happens through consistent, deliberate steps. If you’re looking to embed these principles into your own setting, here are five key areas to focus on:

• Trauma-Informed Practice: Train your team to recognise the impact of trauma, avoid re-traumatisation, and promote agency. We highly recommend Mental Health First Aid training as a foundational tool — it equips staff to recognise early signs of distress and respond appropriately, with empathy and skill. Mercy UK also offers issue-specific ‘Lets Talk About...’ articles in our online library which are free to access.

• Spiritual Safety: Ask individuals how they prefer to talk about God or engage with prayer. Avoid making assumptions. Let spiritual practices be invitational, never imposed - and always rooted in consent and respect.

• Psychological Safety: Set clear boundaries and expectations from the outset. Ensure leaders are alert to distress or dissociation and have permission to adjust their approach accordingly. Use secure platforms for any online engagement and, though it seems small, it is significant - be on time and keep to time.

• Safeguarding and Boundaries: Build a culture of safety by ensuring all staff or volunteers work within a robust safeguarding and ethical framework - having a safeguarding policy and processes in place is a regulatory requirement for all charities, including churches, as set out by the Charity Commission under its guidance on protecting people and safeguarding responsibilities for charities (CC33). There are many organisations that offer safeguarding training such as 31:8 (reference / link). Access this training for your teams and make sure they feel confident knowing who to go to if they have concerns.

• Transparency and Learning: Create space for feedback from those you support, and welcome input from peers or external advisors. Set up regular internal audits or reviews of your processes and policies and invite outside perspectives to strengthen accountability.

Looking Ahead

Creating spiritually and psychologically safe spaces isn’t a trend — it’s a culture we’re building as the body of Christ.

To those who’ve been hurt by spiritual or psychological harm, we want to say: we see you. We’re listening. Thank you for your openness and courage.

To our supporters: thank you for standing with us. Your trust and your giving makes it possible for us to keep learning, growing, and creating spaces where people can truly live free and stay free.

To leaders and decision-makers: thank you for your collective and pro-active commitment to creating spiritual and psychological safety in the body of Christ.

The Mandate.

As Mercy UK, this is our commitment and mandate to the Church.

At Mercy UK, we recognise that many within the Church today are carrying pain that has not yet been fully acknowledged or addressed.

Through our conversations with individuals across a wide demographic, a common thread has emerged—many are navigating a deep sense of disconnection, hurt, and uncertainty in their spiritual journey.

These challenges are not isolated to individuals, but point to a broader longing for wholeness within the body of Christ.

Acknowledging the challenges

We recognise that this pain can stem from many places; grief, disappointment, strained relationships, personal struggles or abuse.

For some, it may include the effects of unhealthy or unhelpful dynamics within church settings.

For others, it may be shaped by past trauma, including Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), or the impact of racial or cultural exclusion. Whatever the source, these experiences can leave individuals questioning their identity, their purpose, and even their understanding of God.

IT’S TIME TO LIVE FREE

We believe healing begins when we create safe spaces to process these experiences honestly, with grace and compassion.

At Mercy UK, we are committed to walking alongside those who are navigating these challenges, offering resources and support to help people rediscover their identity in Christ and find freedom and restoration.

Through intentional care, community, and Christ-centred support, we believe healing is possible—for individuals, for leaders, and for the Church as a whole.

Our commitment to individuals

Through the Keys to Freedom workbook and The Freedom Journey programme, we provide practical tools for individuals to explore the root causes of their struggles and take steps toward healing.

These programmes are designed not only to support personal breakthrough, but to encourage deeper intimacy with God, restored relationships, and renewed purpose.

Our commitment to leaders

Importantly, this need for healing is not limited to church members. Many pastors and leaders are also navigating their own internal battles—feelings of fatigue, discouragement, overwhelm, or a loss of clarity around their calling.

As fellow believers, we recognise that leaders, too, need space to heal and be restored. It is a reminder that we are all human—each of us on a journey, each in need of grace.

Our commitment to the whole church

We believe Christ is returning for a healed, whole, and unified Bride.

This means that each of us has a role to play in the restoration of the Church—not by placing blame, but by taking personal responsibility for our own growth and healing.

When we do this, we are better positioned to bring hope and restoration to others.

THE QUESTION WE MUST ALL ASK IS THIS:

Are we willing to respond to the invitation—not just to support the healing of others, but to allow God to work deeply within us too?

When we do, we contribute to the healing of the Church itself.

Mercy UK is committed to being part of this movement of healing and transformation.

Restoration is a process, not a quick fix, and we are here to walk alongside those who are ready to LIVE FREE & STAY FREE.

---

ACTION POINTS

You can join this movement right here, right now!

Faith & Glimmers

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

"Life feels overwhelming right now—like I’m walking a tightrope, just trying to keep everything in balance. But I’ve noticed tiny moments that help me catch my breath... can those really make a difference?”

Talking Point 

I don’t know about you, but life can sometimes feel relentless—like an obstacle course of expectations, noise, and stress. And yet, I’ve been noticing something surprising lately: little moments that spark joy or bring unexpected calm. A slant of sunlight through the window. The feel of my dog’s head on my knee. A verse of Scripture that seems to be just for me.

Some psychologists now call these moments “glimmers”—the opposite of triggers. Where triggers disrupt, glimmers soothe. Rooted in Polyvagal Theory, they’re tiny cues that signal safety to the nervous system. They can shift us from stress into a state of calm and connection. 

And faith invites us into the same shift. The God who created our nervous systems also gifts us these moments as reminders: I am with you. You are safe. You are loved. They’re not just psychological flashes of calm; they’re spiritual nudges, drawing our hearts back to truth.

Truth to Ponder

You don’t have to wait for a big breakthrough to begin feeling better. Glimmers offer real hope—and they’re already in your day. Here’s how to start noticing:

• Name the glimmers. Keep a note in your phone or journal. What small things soothe you? A warm drink? A kind word? A certain worship song?

• Lean into them. When you notice one, pause. Breathe. Let it sink in. Let it minister to your nervous system—and your soul.

• Create space for them. Glimmers don’t always crash into our day. Sometimes we have to slow down enough to see them. Take walks, pause for prayer, watch the clouds. Simplicity is holy ground.

• Let faith frame them. Don’t just see them as happy coincidences. See them as signs—divine fingerprints of a God who is near.

• Share them. Glimmers grow stronger when shared. Text a friend the moment. Thank God aloud. Let it strengthen your community and your faith.

The more we notice glimmers, the more they grow. They tether us to hope, resilience, and joy. Like David in Psalm 23, who, in the midst of adversity, felt God leading him to quiet waters and green pastures to refresh his soul. 

So take heart. Keep looking. The glimmers are there—scientifically grounding, spiritually uplifting, and always available to those who seek them.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is part of a response to experiencing trauma, whether repeatedly or as a one-off event. PTSD occurs when our brain’s natural actions to try to make sense of what has happened, and the emotions it has triggered, clash with our understandably not wanting to remember or relive the experience and our attempts to avoid the anxiety that memories trigger.

PTSD is typically described as three things: intrusive images or thoughts of a past event (sometimes called flashbacks), a general feeling and experience of being on edge, and an avoidance of the actual place or places similar to where the trauma happened. This best describes one-off traumas, such as assaults and natural disasters. Some people experience PTSD-like symptoms after repeated or historical traumas, like childhood sexual abuse. This may be called complex trauma or type-2 PTSD.

What causes PTSD?

We know that events out of context can cause PTSD, such as a freak natural disaster, a car crash or an assault. Adrenaline, when it is expected, does not cause trauma. (Think of an athlete at a major competition.) But when it comes as a surprise, we know it can change the way the brain works. It turns on our ‘fear’ centre (called the amygdala) and shuts down the bit of our brain that usually discriminates (called the hippocampus). As a result, we become oversensitive to stimuli or triggers that might previously have been linked with danger or trauma and we react to more things than are helpful.

We also know that the brain responds to trauma by replaying traumatic memories and emotions as it attempts to process them. If our fear of these causes us to try to repress or suppress them, we interrupt this natural process and end up in opposition to our own brain. Instead, we need to find safe methods and places where we can enable this processing to occur in a controlled way, and allow our mind to move on from what we have experienced.

People can beat themselves up when they get PTSD, often wondering why they can’t ‘snap out of it’. They may never have experienced emotions like this before and feel overloaded and out of control. Understanding the processes behind it can be an essential part of recovery. They may also struggle with feelings of guilt – for what happened or sometimes for other things, such as their having survived when others did not. Many sufferers also develop depression and can be prone to substance misuse as they try to self-medicate or control what they are feeling. 

Can it be treated?

PTSD requires a combination of approaches. Talking treatments like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help moderate powerful emotions and help people feel more in control. This can better enable them to talk through and recall what happened, so the memories can be filed away like any other past events. Other therapies, such as EMDR (eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing) also aim to help people recall and process traumatic experiences whilst limiting the strength of the emotions they trigger.

In some traumas, people may need to learn skills to stabilise and manage anxiety or panic first, before looking at the event(s) in any detail. Medication can also help reduce the intensity of thoughts and emotions, making talking treatments more possible. 

What about faith?

Life is not fair – we know that from the Bible: that bad things happen to good people. When this happens, it turns our worldview on its head, and we can begin to assume it is deserved and that God is not good. We must remember the lesson from the story of the wise and foolish builders (Matthew 7:24-28): no matter how good your foundations, storms will come.

It is inevitable that tragedy will bring many questions. The Book of Job reminds us that there is far more at play than we can ever know. There are times we just need to worship God and turn our trust to him.

At its best, the Christian community is made up of people who all have questions too. Simplistic responses (often from those who have never suffered themselves) can be hurtful and wrong. Look at the advice Job got from his friends! Churches need to be supportive and non-judgemental, offering hope that things will work out in the end, but not asking the sufferer to accept this overnight. They can also help decrease isolation and loneliness.

Some spiritual exercises, like mindfulness, meditation and contemplation, are very helpful in PTSD. They allow us to focus on what matters, to be non-judging of ourselves. They allow us to approach our questions and past experiences in a measured way, meaning we can process them rather than suppress them.

Helpful Links

• To read more about PTSD see these pages from the Royal College of Psychiatrists

• PTSD-UK is the national charity for PTSD

The Mind and Soul Team

What is Bipolar?

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18

Within popular culture, bipolar disorder is often glamourised. We usually see it portrayed as a condition that is associated with creativity, energy and fun; the challenges associated with it are often overlooked.

Previously referred to as manic depression, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that is defined by the presence of depressive episodes and manic states. Mania occurs when there is a persistent elevation of the mood, usually for at least 7 consecutive days. Alongside this, there are other characteristic symptoms, including excessive spending, rapid speech, increased energy levels, a decreased need for sleep and grandiose thoughts.

Manic symptoms can also include delusional beliefs, which themselves may touch on religious themes. This does not mean that the presence of a strong faith is a sign of bipolar disorder, but rather that existing beliefs may become exaggerated, or there is a preoccupation around certain themes. In some instances, certain beliefs become deeply entrenched and resistant to any form of challenge. Understandably, this can be very invalidating for some Christians and requires a sensitive and empathic approach amongst family, friends and members of one's church community.

Whilst manic symptoms can seem to be harmless and people who are ‘high’ can be very pleasant and fun to be around, mania can cause people to take risks they would not normally take and engage in embarrassing behaviour.  Within a Christian context, it is important to contextualise any such behaviour and refrain from judgment. 

Core Symptoms

Much of the focus tends to be on manic states, but more time is typically spent in depression with this condition and the depressive episodes can be debilitating and dispiriting. The core symptoms are essentially the same ones that occur within a classic (unipolar) depressive episode e.g.the persistent suppression of one's mood, low energy levels, an inability to enjoy previously pleasurable activities, poor concentration and reduced appetite. It is typically within this context that people may experience thoughts that life is not worth living. The depressive episodes can last for weeks or months. 

Having mood swings does not constitute the presence of bipolar disorder. There is a specific pattern that occurs within bipolar disorder, best recognised by a suitably qualified mental health professional who can make the diagnosis, rather than Dr Google! 

Most mental health conditions can be thought as occurring in the context of biological, psychological and social factors. Bipolar disorder is strongly considered to be very much at the biological end of the spectrum and is known to occur more commonly in families in which there is already a person with an established diagnosis. This strongly indicates that genetic factors play a significant role in whether somebody experiences bipolar in their lifetime. It most commonly begins in mid-20s. Further episodes may be brought on by periods of significant stress or a lack of sleep.

The frequency with which episodes occur varies significantly from person to person. However, in most cases medication is required on a long-term basis to reduce the intensity and the frequency of episodes. In some cases, it is not possible to completely eliminate the presence of depressive or manic episodes, but to try and gain better control on the symptoms. 

As with any other chronic condition, these hard facts can be difficult to swallow, particularly in the realms of unanswered prayer and healing ministry.

The fluctuations from depression to mania and back again can leave people broken hearted, frustrated and questioning God. Bipolar disorder strikes at the heart of our theology concerning mental illness. 

Bipolar disorder is a condition that requires specialist assessment and treatment. If you are concerned that you or a loved one might be exhibiting symptoms of bipolar disorder, you should encourage them to contact their GP. Spiritual support can be of huge value and help to reduce the stigma associated with this condition, but must be regarded as a compliment rather than an alternative to medical intervention. 

Further information on bipolar disorder:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/about-bipolar-disorder/  
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/bipolar-disorder 
 

Chi-Chi Obuaya, 29/04/2022

Dr Chi-Chi Obuaya is a Consultant Psychiatrist working in the NHS and in independent practice, as well as a Mind & Soul Foundation Director

Faith is a Process

“Welcome Mrs Davies, please take a seat and I will find your file on our system”

I sat there, my pulse rate increasing as the lady laid out what the government had planned for my life. Apparently, since my son had now turned three years old, I would be required to work sixteen hours per week. My husband was studying for an MSc six days a week and there were no other friends or family who could help.

“So, the government wants me to work for sixteen hours so that I can access the ‘free’ childcare scheme? Wouldn’t it be more cost-effective if I was permitted to care for my own son?”

“I do understand your perspective but I can only operate within the existing system”

I couldn’t stay much longer. The sweat and heart palpitations had morphed into tears and were threatening to do a quick exit. I thanked her, crossed the street, walked into Tesco, located the bathroom, found an empty cubicle, locked the door, and burst into tears.

”God, You led us to Home Educate our children, so why are You now forcing me to change the plan?”

***

The follow-up meeting at my local Job Centre was better - I had probably gone overboard with my Job Seekers' homework.

The one thing in my favour, despite the personal stress… was that our landlord told us he was selling the house; the beloved bungalow where we had spent the second lockdown, where my son had taken his first steps and spoke his first words, where my daughter had multiple playdates and parties.

“What is God doing? What are we doing wrong? I thought He said we would buy property, I thought He asked us to move here, I thought He asked us to Home Educate? All we do is try to do the right, best thing, we gave Him our twenties and thirties to be missionaries, so why is this all happening?”

This was the rant that Simon heard a little too often. Maybe it was a mixture of confusion, disappointment, feeling let down and fatigue that made these questions swirl around in my head, non-stop. I would fall asleep at night repeating “I do believe, forgive my unbelief”.

***

The summer of 2023 was insane. Simon had just graduated with his MSc in Counselling, with Distinction, but was unemployed because of his lack of experience. I was looking for work, but I didn’t know where we would be living. We were using all of our time and energy to pack up the house, search for rentals and make epic memories with our children.

We were exhausted.

I think it was Simon who finally stumbled across the information, which stated that being a student could count as sixteen hours of work. I was overjoyed and began looking at courses. The best course provider seemed to be the Open University, since it had the flexibility that would allow me to Home Educate both of my gorgeous children. I told a few friends about my idea to study and, to my astonishment, they both assumed that I would do Creative Writing.

They seemed so confident in my abilities and I sensed God’s hand highlighting this option. People had always told me I was a talented writer and I had accepted their compliment as being kind, but took them with a pinch of salt. My biggest fear was that the MA would expose me as a terrible writer. But I had no time to dwell on anything. I filled in the forms, sent them away and received an acceptance letter. I had to pack up an entire house, set up a new one and support my children through this emotional process. Then I could think about my studies.

***

Once established in our new rental, I looked at my course module information. I was required to select what type of Creative Writing I wanted to focus on. I had no idea! But Simon, suggested I focus on Creative Nonfiction (true stories, well told).

To be honest, even whilst doing my first assignment, I wasn’t certain what Creative Nonfiction was and my tutor had bluntly stated that “It is very difficult to obtain a Distinction so don’t focus on the grade, just focus on writing to the best of your abilities”.

My first assignment was about Intuitive Eating, an anti-diet approach to eating. I used it as an opportunity to raise awareness about this philosophy and to describe what my Eating Disorders had been like. I suppose it was a montage of my journey from Eating Disorders to being healed and whole. They awarded me a Distinction. But I still didn’t believe that I was an excellent writer; imposter syndrome (fear of being exposed as a fraud) deluded me and only after multiple Distinction results did I believe in myself and took myself seriously as a writer…

“Simon. This is what I was born to do. My whole life I have been searching for what I can be good at, trying to discover my gifts. This is it. Writing. I can’t believe that I am forty years old and only discovering this now. And isn’t God good? He provided a house with a study; He provided an option where I could still Home Educate the kids; He provided a university where I didn’t need to commute to campus - my course didn’t even have lectures, I could do it all as and when I could. And, I am really good at it. So good that my tutor has suggested I do a PhD. And there are loads of Home Educating families here, way more opportunities for the kids and tons of kids on the street that our children can play with. I know we can’t buy a house just yet, but He will provide!”

To take medication, or not, that is the question.

Angharad gives us a snapshot of her process from not taking medication, to being on prescribed antidepressants, long-term. 

I walked down from the church stage, where I had been giving a short testimony of overcoming depression…

An excited couple came up to me and asked, ‘Did you stop your medication?’ To their surprise, I gave an enthusiastic answer. ‘No, I’ve only just started taking them’. I suspect  I may have disappointed them and not met their expectations, as the idea that God could use medication to assist in the healing of mental health conditions still seems to carry a great deal of stigma.

I have often imagined myself speaking to a hypothetical church congregation and challenging them with the following debate: 

‘How many people here wear glasses or contact lenses?’

I would wait for many hands to go up, without shame. I would then ask if they would be willing to dispose of their lenses and frames; trusting God to heal their eyesight.

I will never know the real response to this imagined scenario, but I do know that it is socially acceptable, even for Christians who believe that God can heal, to wear contacts or glasses, without trusting God for a miracle. Yet, if someone has a mental health problem, we can judge the fact that they are taking medication, rather than rejoice in the brilliance of medicine to help people who suffer with poor mental health. 

My father is a scientist and I am indebted to him for raising me to see no disparity between faith and science. God is the ultimate Creator - just think of the entrepreneurship, vision, imagination and creativity required to make us and this beautiful earth. And are we not made in His image? Therefore, I see it as a fulfillment of our God-given nature that we are innovative and can come up with scientific solutions to human problems. 

I became a Christian at 23, just after my mum died. At the time of her death, I was still struggling with suicidal depression. No one has been able to explain why I developed a propensity towards depression, but the more I learn about childhood trauma, the more I see the direct correlation between the death of my brother at age 4 (my first childhood memory) and suicidal depression. I am extremely grateful to the world of psychotherapy and childhood development for shedding so much light on the reasons why losing my brother, at such a formative age, would have had such a negative impact upon my development; coupled with a family of origin that were not equipped to help me heal; parents who were dealing with their own grief and their poor decisions - compounding the disruption of my own emotional, psychological and relational development. 

God made us to be human, raised by humans and to live in a world full of other humans. None of which are perfect.

Pain is a part of life. Pain is painful. If pain cannot find a healthy outlet, it will fester and grow.

Over the years, I have received prayer at many church services, of all denominations. I have attended healing retreats; I was a resident at Mercy Ministries UK; I saw an excellent therapist on a bi-weekly basis. I would journal, make sure I got enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, belong to a Christian community, serve the marginalised of society, tithe, have quiet times, read books, fast and pray, listen to podcasts, spend time in nature, practised Sabbath rest… whatever, you name it, I did it! 

And I have no regrets. I am convinced that all of these, and some in great measure,  contributed to my maturity and healing. But, despite the fact that I had stopped trying to take my own life, the default track in my brain would frequently take me down the path of suicidal ideation; even when I battled and fought against it with all my might.. 

…eventually, my husband suggested that I call the GP.

I was reluctant, but she was lovely and prescribed me some meds. I was skeptical about taking antidepressants, convinced that they wouldn’t work and that I would have some terrible side-effects (which can be true for some medications). But, within the 3-10 day mark, I began to feel better.

After a month I began to think, ‘Is this how other people feel? Normal? Is this what I have been missing out on for all of these years? Can this too, be freedom?’ It was, and is a miracle. 

I have no shame about being on medication. I know that I know, that I know, that I continue to give my all to be free from depression and part of that freedom is having the freedom to take  medication that helps  alleviate the pain of depression. The medication has given me margin - instead of constantly surviving the depression, I can now see my therapist to talk about the root issues of my depression, so that I can experience even more healing. One day, I may not need meds anymore, but I am also OK with needing to be on them for the rest of my life….

I am now free to live my life to the fullest, just like Jesus promised. 

Faith & Counselling

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

“I’m really struggling at the moment. I’ve thought about counselling, but I just don’t know where to start. And if I’m honest, I have a strong faith and feel like that should be enough.”

Talking Points

A couple years ago, that little dreaded orange engine light popped up on the dashboard of my car. Since learning to drive, I have jumped from one old car to the next, so this was nothing new and I was worried that taking it to a mechanic would just mean an inevitable bill that I couldn’t afford. So I ignored it, hoping it would go away on it’s own.

It didn’t. A few days later I was driving home and a loud bang was followed by bellows of smoke. I popped open the bonnet to see a part of my engine in flames on the road underneath.

We can often approach our mental health like this. We see the warning signs: not sleeping properly, persistent stress or feeling extra irritable. But we don’t know what to do or what steps to take, so we pray, we try and deal with it on our own, in the hope that – in time – the lights will go off, and things will return to normal.

Prayer is powerful, undeniably. But when our car engine light shows up, while we might say a prayer, we know we should also follow this up with a professional. Someone who can pop open the bonnet, knows what they are looking for, and start any repairs before the situation gets worse. So why do we sometimes take such a radically different approach when it comes to mental health? Why do so many Christians put off the idea of counselling, thinking that their faith should be enough?

Truth to Ponder 

Like a well trained mechanic, counsellors are professionals who understand the complexities of your emotional health and can help repair it without causing more harm. 

There is Biblical wisdom in seeking out this kind of support. Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counsellors there is safety.”

It also reflects God’s heart for healing and restoration. Isaiah 61:1 declares: “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor… to bind up the brokenhearted.” 

Counselling is one of the many tools that God can use to bring healing and hope to His people. It’s nothing to be afraid of, although we understand it can take a tremendous amount of courage to begin the journey. The most important step we take is the very first one: admitting we can’t do it all on our own (we weren’t designed to).

Just don’t know where to start?
Perhaps you are fully aware that you need some counselling, but you just have no idea where to start. That’s understandable. It can be incredibly overwhelming when you are considering it for the first time. So start off by reading this blog post, which will guide you through the things you need to think about, what to look for, and how to make sense of the different options available.

---

I think I need counselling. What now?

I think I need counselling. What now?

Like that orange engine light on your car dashboard, our emotional wellbeing can give off warning signs—perhaps you’re feeling off, facing persistent stress, or noticing recurring emotional “hiccups” that just don’t seem right.

We may hesitate to seek professional help, worrying about cost or whether it’s truly necessary. We might try to address these issues ourselves, thinking we can fix them, but without the right tools or knowledge, the risk of causing further damage is high. Trying to handle the problem on our own could lead to a much bigger breakdown.

Just as you wouldn’t trust your car to a mechanic who lacks the expertise to repair its engine, there are times you may need a counsellor who understands the complexities of your emotional health and can help repair it without causing more harm. Here’s how to find the right expert to guide you through your healing process.

Counsellor vs Psychotherapist: What’s the Difference?

Just as there’s a difference between a car manufacturer and a car mechanic, there’s a difference between psychotherapists and counsellors. While both counsellors and psychotherapists help people with emotional issues, the key difference lies in the depth of their work. Counsellors typically focus on short-term issues, offering support and coping strategies. Psychotherapists, on the other hand, work with more complex, long-term emotional or psychological concerns, exploring deep-seated patterns and trauma.

What Should I Look for in a Good Counsellor?

The most essential part of any counselling relationship is trust. A good counsellor will create a safe, empathetic space where you can be honest without fear of judgment. You should feel heard, understood, and respected. Boundaries are also important—your counsellor should maintain professionalism, showing up on time, being organised, and respecting your emotional and personal space. They should also ensure that what you share remains confidential unless there’s a serious risk to safety.

When choosing a counsellor, it’s also essential to verify their qualifications. Look for professional accreditation from recognised bodies like ACC (Association of Christian Counsellors), or BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy), which ensure the counsellor adheres to high ethical and professional standards. You can verify these credentials on the organisations’ websites.

Are There Any Counselling Red Flags?

While most counsellors are ethical and professional, counselling is not regulated in the UK and there are a few red flags to watch for. A lack of professionalism, such as frequent lateness or disorganisation, can be a sign of poor boundaries. A good counsellor will never use coercion or pressure in any way, and this includes the use of scripture or prayer. Faith practices in the counselling room should never be used to bring condemnation or coercion. If a counsellor pressures you to continue therapy against your will or avoids being transparent about their credentials, it could indicate that they’re not the right fit. Lastly, any inappropriate behaviour, whether personal or sexual, is a serious red flag. Red flags can be reported to professional bodies such as those mentioned above, but if the issue involves illegal behaviour or serious concerns such as sexual misconduct or harm, it should be reported directly to the Police. Additionally, if the counsellor is part of a specific church or faith-based organisation, you may want to report the issue to the relevant leadership or authority within that organisation.

Is Counselling a ‘One Size Fits All’ Approach?

When it comes to counselling, many people wonder if it’s a one-size-fits-all approach, or if there’s a specific method that will work best for them. The reality is that just as every individual is unique, so too are their emotional and psychological needs. What works for one person may not be the right fit for someone else. This is why there are a variety of therapeutic approaches available—each designed to address different aspects of mental and emotional health. Finding the right type of therapy depends on factors like your personal preferences, the issues you’re dealing with, and what kind of approach feels most comfortable to you.. Here are the most common ones:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): A goal-oriented therapy that helps identify and change negative thought patterns. It’s effective for anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

• Person-Centred Therapy: This non-directive approach focuses on creating a non- judgmental, empathetic space for individuals to explore their emotions and gain deeper self-understanding.

• Psychodynamic Therapy: Looks at how unconscious patterns and past experiences shape current behaviours. It’s often used for long-term emotional healing.

• Solution-Focused Therapy: A practical, short-term approach focused on finding solutions to immediate concerns and setting achievable goals.

• Integrative Therapy: Combines various therapeutic techniques to tailor the approach to the client’s unique needs.

How Mercy UK Works With Counsellors as Part of the Freedom Journey

Our Freedom Journey is a trauma-informed, faith-based programme designed to guide participants through a process of emotional and spiritual healing - like a full MOT and Service for the Christian! As part of this programme, participants can access free-of-charge support, including counselling if needed, although we do ask for a donation or contribution towards the cost. Mercy works with a bank of counsellors and psychotherapists who support participants as part of the Freedom Journey. We take the utmost care in selecting the right professionals to support participants on this journey. All of the counsellors we work with are registered with the BACP or ACC, ensuring they meet the highest standards of practice. Additionally, all our counsellors are DBS checked and receive regular supervision from an accredited supervisor to ensure the safety and well-being of those seeking support. They also align with our statement of faith and ethical framework, offering a compassionate, faith-centred approach that complements our overall mission to support the emotional, mental, and spiritual health of individuals. So, if you have spotted that warning light in your own life, don’t ignore it. Find the support that’s right for you.

---

More Christian Mental Health Resources

Discover the 𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚢 𝙻𝚒𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚢

Do I need counselling as a christian?

Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counsellors there is safety.”

Historically, the church has always played a central role in offering counsel to individuals facing life’s challenges. The modern understanding of counselling, particularly psychological counselling, evolved in the 19th and 20th centuries with the rise of psychology as a formal discipline. However, Christian counselling has remained distinct, integrating biblical truth with psychological principles to provide holistic care.

Counselling is a powerful tool for healing, restoration, and personal growth but does the ability to counsel others come from natural talent, learned skill, or a spiritual gift?

The Bible doesn’t explicitly list the term “counselling” as one of the spiritual gifts, but Scripture does point to wisdom, discernment, encouragement, and shepherding as key gifts that align closely with the heart of counselling.

One of the most relevant passages is Romans 12:6-8, which says: “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us… if it is to encourage, then give encouragement.”

Encouragement (or exhortation) is a foundational part of counselling—helping people find hope and strength in their struggles. Similarly, 1 Corinthians 12:8 speaks of the gift of wisdom and knowledge, both of which are vital in guiding and advising others.

Beyond individual gifting, counselling also reflects God’s heart for healing and restoration. Isaiah 61:1 declares: “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor… to bind up the brokenhearted.” Counselling, whether through professional training or spiritual gifting, plays a role in this work of restoration.

However, while some are naturally gifted in wisdom and encouragement, counselling is also a skill that can be developed. The Holy Spirit empowers Believers with wisdom and discernment, but learning how to listen, empathise, and guide effectively is a process that can be, and should be, refined through continual professional development and accountability.

So, is counselling a spiritual gift?

Perhaps not in name, but its core elements—wisdom, encouragement, discernment, and shepherding—are undeniably gifts from God. Whether through professional practice or informal support, those called to counsel others play a vital role in bringing healing and hope and are in themselves, a gift to His Church.

Should I Pray for Forgiveness for my Mental Health Struggles?

The Bible is full of examples of people struggling with their mental health. Elijah, after a great spiritual victory, became overwhelmed and wished for death (1 Kings 19:4). David often cried out to God in anguish, as seen in many Psalms, and some of his writings in Ecclesiastes carry a deep melancholy. Paul spoke of a “thorn in his flesh” that constantly disturbed him and described the inner battle of doing what he did not want to do (Romans 7:15). Yet, God never abandoned them—He met them with grace and strength.

Many who struggle with mental health challenges wrestle with feelings of guilt, shame, or unworthiness before God.

We may wonder if our anxiety, depression, or intrusive thoughts are a form of punishment, if they make us less faithful, or if God is disappointed in our struggles...

But the Bible paints a very different picture—one of grace, compassion, and unwavering love. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God does not reject those who are struggling; instead, He draws near to them with love and care. Even when our struggles make it difficult to sense His presence, He remains with us.

It’s important to remember that mental health struggles are not sinful.

Illness—whether physical or mental—is a result of living in a fallen world, not a reflection of someones faithfulness or worth. However, our struggles with mental health can sometimes lead us into thoughts or actions that cause harm to ourselves and others.

Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin.” While emotions like worthlessness, shame, anguish, or despair can arise in the midst of mental health battles, we are still responsible for how we respond to them. Acknowledging our struggles and seeking support can help us make choices that promote stability and healing.

God’s forgiveness is not withheld from those struggling with their mental health. However, unforgiveness—whether towards ourselves, others, or even God—can create a barrier that makes it difficult to fully receive His grace and peace.

The Bible repeatedly emphasises the importance of forgiveness, not only as something we receive from God but also as something we must extend to ourselves and others. Mark 11:25 says, “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Holding onto bitterness or guilt can weigh us down and hinder our spiritual and emotional healing and produce a state of stress in our mind and body.

As part of the healing process, it can be helpful to reflect on how mental health struggles have impacted our lives and relationships. Seeking forgiveness—for the times we have acted in ways that hurt ourselves or others—can be a significant step toward growth and restoration. This is not about condemning ourselves or apologising for having mental health struggles, but about recognising that we still have agency in our lives. Our struggles do not define us, nor do they diminish our capacity to walk in God’s grace and truth.

---

Discover Keys to Freedom

Our Christian Mental Health Guidebook, completed in your church.

Faith & Fearing Change

Helping you navigate the tension between faith & mental health by looking at a tension point, a talking point and a truth to ponder.

Tension Point

“I’ve always struggled with change and the uncertainty it can bring. But I also know this fear is stopping me from stepping out into new things and plans that God might have for me.”

Talking Point

As I write this, the sun is pouring in through the window. I can smell the warmth in the air. The birds are chirping and I can see some gathering twigs for a nest. Spring is upon us! We are officially in transition. Moving from one season to the next. 

Which brings to mind life transitions: those periods of time where you are moving from one thing to the next. Are you in one right now? Maybe you are about to get married, or you find yourself suddenly alone. Maybe you are helping a child settle into university and navigating an empty nest or maybe you’ve just had a baby and are figuring out a whole new life stage on very little sleep! Maybe you’re buying your first house, or moving house, changing your career, or retiring from one. 

Transition is hard and for many of us (myself included) that change from one thing into the next is rarely cut and dried- usually it’s messy and chaotic. Transition can be exhausting, mentally and emotionally difficult to navigate, and it can make us feel out of control and anxious. We feel vulnerable, overwhelmed, afraid and unsure of ourselves. 

The temptation then, is to resist transition, try to ignore it, or rush through it as quickly as possible and try to regain a sense of control and order.

But nature teaches us that transition is a necessary part of the life cycle. Transition and change are beautiful in the same way that a tree moving from Summer to Autumn, with its mix of colours is beautiful. Nature teaches us that transition is vital for growth and for bearing fruit, it also teaches us that what may look like an ending, is in fact a new beginning.

Truth to Ponder 

If you’re finding yourself in a transitional life stage-a season of change right now, then here are some key things that can help you cope:

1. Embrace the change. Accept that change and transition are a normal part of life’s cycle. Make your peace with the fact that Change is here to stay.

2. Expect to feel uncomfortable. It’s not a sign that you’re not coping, it’s just discomfort. Learn to find comfort on an uncomfortable journey.

3. Set your sights on the outcome. What is on the other side of this transition? New opportunities? New relationships? More time, more purpose? 

4. Take care of yourself along the way. Don’t just get your head down and push through the season of discomfort. Look up every now and then, breathe, take in your surroundings. Learn to identify and express your feelings. 

5. Access your support system. Friends, church community, neighbours, family- don’t be afraid to ask for help. Communicate your need for company, someone to talk to or relax with, whilst you adjust to your new season. 

6. Get closure. One of the most effective ways of setting you up for what’s next is by deliberately letting go of what was. Feel the sad feelings that come with letting go, and allow yourself the luxury of goodbye.

7. Hold on to the One that is Unchanging. The bible tells us that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is the beginning and the end and every season change that leaves us feeling unstable, insecure and without an anchor is best lived with Jesus at the centre of it.  

If you are struggling with a life transition, if you can’t seem to get a grip on yourself, then grip on to Jesus. Hold on to Him and He will be your anchor (Hebrews 6:19). He will help you take the next step, and then the next from whatever season you’re in that is ending, into the next season full of hope and possibility. 

---

Self Reflection Blog

Click here to learn more about ourselves in the varying seasons of life