Dissociation

Essentially, dissociation is an incredibly clever and natural brain mechanism that acts as a protector from stress and harm. 

Dissociation can be experienced as a normal, everyday habit used to combat mild stress or boredom, a ‘zoning out’ like reading a book or daydreaming. Then, there is the disassociation that is connected to PTSD or trauma. When someone is experiencing trauma or hurt, their brain responds by essentially attempting to shield them from the hurt. When we experience severe distress, the brain shuts down in order to not have us experience or live through the traumatic moment or series of events. 

This can be experienced as a disconnection from emotions, identity, memories, perception and a sense of self, depending on the dissociative disorder. It can feel like things are not real or give you a sense of ‘disappearing’ or ‘disconnecting’.

The important things to remember:

1. It is the process of our incredible brains making sure that we are not overcome by the stress of the experience.

2. By learning to manage our stress responses and healing, we will notice dissociative occurrences reduce as time goes on. 

A short guide on dissociative disorders

PTSD/Trauma/ Dissociative Amnesia

Gaps in one’s memory, either spanning moments or years. In relation to an event, being unable to remember parts of the event or which part of the day, or unable to recall the event entirely.

Depresonalization and derealistation

Disconnection from your own mind, body or thoughts. Disconnection from the world and reality around you, people and environments around you not feeling real.

DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

Previously known as multiple personality disorder. Where two or more distinct personalities are present, each identity with their own way of being, often with different roles being played out. 

Where is God in Dissociation?

The whole process of dissociation itself is a God-given, protective mechanism. But the disruption that it may bring to daily life can be extremely tough to live with. 

Hope can be found in beginning to cultivate self-compassion and self-reflection, and as we face how we really feel, healing can come into view. There are good people out there who can help this process and therapists can provide us with a place where we can give voice to those thoughts, feelings and experiences. It may not be a quick process but it can be transformative as it provides space to really hear ourselves and be heard. 

God loves us - every single part and trace of us - not the future healed ‘version’, but the current reality of who we are. He loves us and longs to listen to us and be our witness as we pay attention to those areas in need of a compassionate voice that may be hidden away. 

Our Creator is the One who dreamed us up, who decided who we were, what we look like, sound like, even how we smell! And so, he is the One (sometimes along with other safe people) who can lovingly help us rebuild a sense of self and reconnect with reality in a way that is safe and stable. 

God can be present in all that you feel- and all that you don’t feel. As your creator he fully knows all of your brain's responses and doesn’t place any pressure on you to ‘not be that way’ but instead He cares for you. If you feel like your dissociative moments have gone on for too long or are happening too regularly, start with self-compassion and understand that there is always a why behind the what. As we learn to trust him and others we can start walking into healing.

Reclaiming Our True Identity: God’s Role in Healing and Integration

Our own human ‘sense of self’ is so important to our understanding of who we are; our identity as children of God. It’s not just therapy talk, or new age ramblings, but an essential part of being human. The important Biblical teaching that we die to self can become very confusing here, because the implication can sometimes be that ‘we’ as a human with a sense of self, have to leave that behind to become a disembodied being that has a new identity in Christ. Thus, a spiritual dissociation can take place, where we place another layer of disconnection between our core self and God. Do we become more Christlike as we walk with God? Yes. But that doesn’t forsake our humanity and who we are as individuals to him. 

If we can regain a sense of inhabiting our own bodies, our own world, we can start to piece together (and he can within us) our original blueprint- who he made us to be and is inviting us back into. 

This is where a re-connection with a God of kindness and goodness can take the forefront. An essential part of healing involves practicing kindness to ourselves- it is invaluable in reconnecting with ourselves and God as kind and gentle. In order to practice this kindness, instead of punishing or shaming the mechanism that keeps us safe through dissociation,  instead we can practice appreciating the way our brains can keep us safe from tough life experiences. 

Regardless of where we are on the healing spectrum, God is there.

Next Steps:

The scale of dissociation is a really important factor in considering next steps. 

At the lower end of the scale you’re likely to zone out and use, for example, screens as a way of tuning out uncomfortable feelings. Mild dissociation looks like gaps in memory, being in autopilot, feeling a mild sense of disconnection. Dissociation at the other end of the scale involves losing awareness of time and memories, maybe a sense of not quite inhabiting yourself and can be quite terrifying, and then DID, where different identities are created in order to cope with trauma. 

If you are reading this and you recognise or associate with the higher end of the scale described, we recommend that you seek help from a professional with specific training in dissociative disorders. 

If you are reading this as a people helper/ pastoral support and you recognise that someone experiences the higher end of the dissociative scale, we encourage you to be confident in where your role begins and ends: unless you are an expert in this field, step aside and let a professional in who can safely bring help and support. 

If you can identify with the lower scale of dissociation as described, then you may wish to consider the following:

• Start considering how you might practice self-compassion. For example, what does your internal voice sound like? What would a kind, compassionate voice sound like?

• Share with someone you trust how you are feeling and what you are experiencing. Know that you are worthy of love and support. They may be able to help you to start asking gentle questions and exploring the why behind the what. 

• mind.org.uk has an excellent collection of resources on how to care for yourself as you cope with dissociation, and recommendations for further action.

• Speak to your GP.  Not everyone will find this beneficial depending on how you feel you are coping, but if dissociation is taking over your life, speak to your GP.   

• Therapy. You may wish to find a specialist in dissociation as not all counsellors and therapists are trained specifically  in this area so it’s worth doing your homework to see who can best support you. Organisations such as BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) , NCPS (National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society) or ACC (Association for Christian Counsellors) all have websites that can help you navigate what you are looking for. 

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Anxiety

We all have times when we feel anxious. 

But let’s be honest, anxiety has a bad reputation in the Christian world. Whether it’s condemning any kind of anxious thought to the ‘no faith’ camp, or hearing Jesus’s words ‘do not worry’ through the lens of ‘must do better’, we’re often uncomfortable to admit that anxiety may be part of the (Christian) human experience…

And yet, the ability to notice and acknowledge its presence in our lives is an important step in being able to heal. There is no shame in feeling anxious. 

Anxiety serves as a warning, an alarm signalling that there might be something to worry about and prepare for. Often it is stimulated by past events and experiences, whereby our brain prepares for action based on those experiences. There may be things anxiety helps us prepare for. For example, if we have a job interview next week, anxiety is what encourages us to prepare well and have all bases covered. But when anxiety overwhelms us, it becomes fixated on the job interview and all the possible outcomes, for which our brain is naturally wired to view negatively.

It can be helpful to consider another way we experience this in our lives - think about ‘doom scrolling’ when we access social media and our brains are doing just this - preparing for every eventuality. Notice whether your heart rate increases at all when you do this - that’s anxiety getting above it’s useful station!

In these situations, just having someone to talk to about what your anxiety feels like and what is making you anxious can be a big relief of the pressure inside your mind. It may be a friend or someone you trust, but it may also help to speak to a professional -a counsellor or therapist-whose job is to listen without judgement as you share. 

It is helpful to notice what is taking place in your body as you feel the anxiety…

Where do you notice it? What impact is it having on your movements? Being aware of this can then help you train your body further down the line to relax when you notice it responding to the anxious thought, sending different signals to the brain. Often, our breathing is one of the most obvious signals, so try focusing here. Breathing sounds so simple and yet when we consciously control our breath it has the incredible ability to get our brain back ‘online’ and away from fear. Try ‘box breathing’ for example, where you imagine drawing a square in front of you, breathing in for 4, breathing out for 4, and repeating. 

Another step could be to allow yourself a set time in the day to acknowledge what those worries are. Perhaps create a worry box or worry list, noting down the worries and giving them space to have a voice, but making sure they are contained- reinforcing that you have control. Once you have noted them, ask yourself whether there is anything you can do about them, or ask God whether there’s anything he wants to say about it specifically. 

Our bodies carry the ability to release chemicals that will calm us down and increase our sense of wellbeing and there are a number of ways you can encourage your body to produce them. Try a new creative skill or complete a task, listen to music or spend time in the sun. Moving your body and getting good sleep will help contribute to natural chemical stimulation, all of which will help reduce the sense of anxiety held in your body. 

Mercy’s Freedom course has a number of resources that can help assist you in noticing what is taking place within you, and what thoughts and beliefs may be triggering your anxiety, if you feel that you would like to explore further. 

If you are aware that anxiety is overwhelming you or has become something that is having a big impact on your daily life, we recommend that you take time and space to care for yourself by finding a professional to speak with further. The ACC (Association of Christian Counsellors) or BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy)/ NCPS (National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society) have databases where you will be able to find someone to speak to based on your personal requirements. More information is available on each of their websites

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What is the Discipleship Confidence Matrix Tool?

Within the church there are all kinds of responses to the word ‘discipleship’.

For some, it is an exciting term that conjures up adventure or an invitation on a journey. For others, it’s a term implying togetherness - of practical lessons learned. It may be something we feel we went through ‘back in the day’ or after a recent conversion experience. For some, it’s an uncomfortable term- a reminder of how we ‘should’ be living, or a standard expected of us. 

At Mercy, we have developed the Discipleship Confidence Matrix as a way of intentionally considering the practices that Jesus gave his followers to live by. These practices benefit not only us, but automatically benefit those around us. 

When we’re living healthily- as Jesus shows us through his example on earth-we’re more in touch with who God says we are- who he created us to be- and with those around us. It’s also in this place that we’re able to be fully ourselves- authentically ‘us’ without any airs or graces. 

With that in mind, the confidence matrix covers the following areas… and, as you read, consider you own response to each area, NOT as a ‘must do better’ but as a ‘if I confidently lived out this area, how different might my life look?’ and ‘what areas would I like some support to grow in?’

recognising the voice of God. 

If God is indeed relational, then it stands to reason that his interactions with us are going to be unique and personal. Do we feel able to recognise how God personally interacts with us? Do we notice anything getting in the way? What are our expectations in this area? (could write loads on this)

If we are in relationship- with the creator of the universe, no less- then there exists the possibility for relational connection, not just co-existing together. The Bible tells us He speaks to us and we can speak to him, so if it’s 2-way, an aspect of discipleship looks like understanding how this uniquely works for you. 

If we were able to confident in this area, imagine the difference this could make to the direction of our lives and the comfort and experience of the presence of God. 

recognising and replacing my beliefs and behaviours. 

This area requires us to consider our level of self-awareness. Do we really know who we are and how we exist in the world? Am I aware of the belief systems I hold and how I interact? Often as Christians, we can use our ‘born again’ status to ignore or bury our old beliefs and start trying to believe new beliefs…but that’s simply not how it works. Because we then end up with a list of what we should believe, living alongside a subconscious list of what we in fact do believe, that are entirely at odds with each other. Discipleship in this area looks like understanding who we are and exploring God’s perspective before we healthily start to dismantle old ways, where there is congruence between what we believe and what we do, without shame or judgement.

Forgiveness

Jesus’ emphasis on forgiveness is fascinating. Why would he place such emphasis on it unless he knew it was something we would need often! But the teaching is so often misunderstood.

Do we have clarity on what forgiveness is and what forgiveness isn’t? (loads on this too)

How often we can use our forgiveness to suppress and bury our pain, rather than using it as a way of healthily expressing our pain and partnering with God, inviting him in to gently unburden us of the pain that has been caused. 

To confidently forgive is significant. Whether that’s forgiving others, yourself, or even God! To fully understand the depths (and completeness) of God’s forgiveness for us will surely impact this. 

Emotional comfort and healing

Aside from what we know of God and how he comforts his people, it can be a whole other world to actually be familiar with feeling his closeness and connection.  Again, we believe God is a relational God who wants to relate to his people, so do we know what it feels like to have a felt sense of closeness and comfort with God?

The significance of this area cannot be underestimated. When we tell others about how great it is to belong to God, does our experience of him actually match up to what we’re saying? If we can sit and allow ourselves to be authentically real in answering this question, from there we can begin to explore our own life experiences of comfort and connection and barriers that may prevent that experience. 

Authority as a believer

There are two components to authority; the right to rule, and the power to rule.  Authority can often be misunderstood as control, and too many times, the biblical example of Godly authority has been misrepresented.  When Jesus died on the cross as Son of Man, he reclaimed the right of our authority on this earth which was given to humanity but lost through Adam and Eve. When he rose again as Son of God, he also empowered us by sending the Holy Spirit to us. The Bible teaches that we are co-heirs with Jesus which means, in partnership with Him and surrendered to His will, we can walk in the same authority that He died to re-establish for us and live empowered by the Holy Spirit. 

Our privilege as Believers is to walk in this authority and bring realignment in the areas of our lives to His perfect will. As we experience healing and growth in our relationship with God, self and others, we learn how to protect those breakthroughs by applying a sense of, and understanding of authority in our prayer life, our thought-life and in our choices.

Boundaries

Serving others is at the core of faith in Jesus. We follow the servant-king, and we seek to wash feet just as he did. But somewhere along the way, the interpretation of the important teaching of servanthood can actually work against us and the freedom Jesus promised us if driven by other factors. 

The starting point for this is knowing where we end, and others begin. If we can understand that we can avoid burnout, avoidable stress, and can avoid unhealthy relationships. As Jesus modelled taking time for himself and times of refreshing, can we confidently follow him to do the same? What factors may push us into an un-boundaried life? How can setting boundaries increase our ability to follow Jesus’s example in loving and serving others healthily?

Needs and Desires

How are our needs and desires relevant to discipleship? Well, expressing our needs is a key element of relationship, both with God and with each other. Knowing how we were made, what we love and what we desire is fundamental to human and spiritual living!  

In order for us to fully understand and embrace the biblical concepts of God being our Father who provides, meeting all our needs according to the riches in Christ, and giving us the desires of our heart, how familiar are we with our own needs? How confident are we expressing those needs to others without feeling like a burden? What does the idea of God satisfying our desires reflect of his fatherly goodness?

Discipleship enables us to be healthy and well, to model what Jesus did to stay healthy. Jesus knew who he was, he knew what we needed, he knew how to steward his power and he felt- not just knew but felt- God’s closeness. Ultimately, what does that look like for us in our world? What do you think?

We would love for you to access the tool for yourself and hear your own thoughts and what the impact of living these principles could be - for ourselves and for those around us. 

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